Coño

Top Ten Occasions Rick Tells Coño

10. After hitting a hard line drive at someone - Makes him feel better
9. After committing a stupid error - self mutilation
8. Around White People - loves feeding the Crazy Cuban Stereotype
7. When The Mets blow a game they should have won - Yankee Step Brother complex
6. When he loses a football bet or a blackjack hand - degenerate pain
5. When his computer systems at work go wrong - the scared computer geeks respond quicker
4. After he locks or loses his car keys for the 1,000,000 time - early Alzheimer setting in
3. Umpire jerks him or his team especially when ump disrespects the game
2. Road Rage while trying to get to a game that he's already late to - frustration builds

and the Number One Occasion Rick Yells Coño

1. Who knows and who cares ? Rick says it all the time - psycho takes this all way too seriously

Quit

Top Ten Reasons People Quit a Softball Team

10. Wife, girlfriend - face it they are P-Whipped
9. Their Kids - would rather spend time with their kids than pay child support later
8.RETIRE - Use Wife and Kids as an excuse to quit, but really don't want to play anymore
TIE - 7. They suck and they know it
TIE - 7. They are selfish and don't get what they want - i.r. bat or play where they want
6. Injury
5. Jail - they are a guest of the hotel of the State
4. Drugs - smoking is their national past time
3. Work - making real $$$$ sure beast winning some tacky jacket that went out of style in the 80's
2. Hater Syndrome - Hate either the league, the field, or their teammates - ASSHOLE

and the Number One Reasons People Quit a Softball Team

1. Playing Time - "IF I AIN'T STARTING I'M A DEPARTING"

Softball Draft

The NFL Draft is this weekend, where NFL clubs pick the best college players available to fill their rosters.

This got me to think what if there was a softball draft? What would be my Top Ten Draft Picks?

Pick #10 John Brown - Pitcher - some may ask why do you pick the most dominant pitcher in softball at #10 - easy because he's not a legal modified pitcher, nice guy, excellent player - he's just a slinger - looks like he's throwing a freebie. But if a league lets him in he's un-hittable.
Pick # 9 Kip - Choice Parts - stud hitter, good fielder, and a very nice laid back guy who0 dates only models - any team would be lucky to have him
Pick #8 Gubi - I know this is a bit of a stretch - he's like the Alphonso Soriano of softball - HIGH RISK HIGH REWARD - but he's a very good player who is loyal and responsible - that's a very good quality - only downside is that it's only a matter of time before he gets arrested for road rage
Pick # 7 Hector from West - arguably the best defensive player in all of softball - is also a gamer the only downside I see is that he loves freestyle music too much :)
Pick #6 Geo from West - gamer - bad hamstring only prevents him from going higher in the draft - outstanding lefty power - is a class winner - only downside is that he has umpire rage
Pick # 5 Carlos Con from West ( why not put all of West on this list) - stud switch hitter with power, ridiculous sling pitcher who pitches modified very well - nice guy who is also an intimating enforcer - always a Rick favorite - actually was a Rick player but Rick got him too soon before I knew how to win or at least have a chance to win
Pick #4 Herman - Highlanders - there are players who are faster, bigger, stronger - but few are smarter and more clutch - I call him PBS because he's boring but informative - you need him
Pick #3 tie Lefty - Destroyers - simply a hitting machine , Weechie - Destroyers - when he's not a guest at the hotel - he's absolutely AWESOME
Pick #2 Crazy Lou Gonzalez - sometimes I think he invented softball - he truly lives from this - a true winner - only downside I see is that he puts his #22 on all the clothes he wears

and for the Controversial #1 Pick

1. C'mon - You all knew I would pick John "El Nino" Castillo - ironic that I pick Castillo #1 even though I can't even count the number of times people have told me "I can't play with this guy" - Face it he has a Power on and Power off switch - and when the Power is On he's in the top echelon on players in all of softball, when the Power is Off then it's a whole different ballgame

Honorable Mention Draft Pick - Gilberto - Destroyers, Knockout - old school guy who I can barely understands - but the man is a winner - Is the most confident player I know - he once told me "Give me a team that can field and I can even beat the Yankees" - he definetly has the 6th Tool - CONFIDENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Sixth Tool

Most people say that the best player in one that has 5 tools:
Speed
Hit for Power
Hit for Average
Great Defense
Strong Arm

But perhaps the most important tool you can have as a player or in life for that matter is CONFIDENCE!!!!

Some Confidence is sincerely earned, others is fake and can be shattered easily, while some people obtain a sense of confidence because they are disillusional and are just out there.

Confidence is very fragile - especially to someone who cares about what others think.

I've seen horrible players, flat out scrubs, who truly believe they are good never lose confidence. While I've seen talented players lose all confidence their confidence and fall apart.

Hell I've lost confidence in myself plenty of times - I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Most normal people lose their "MOJO" in life at one time or another.

Softball is no different than life.

In life your girl or man dumps you for someone else and you lose your confidence, that belief in yourself, and the opposite sex can smell it and then you go into a dating slump and start watching Cinemax after dark on a consistent basis.

In softball if you lose your confidence due to an error or slump the opposition and more importantly your teammates sense it. You start pressing more and then your done.

The best advice I can give someone is Confidence comes from success.
Focus on improving your skills through hard work and setting realistic goals.
Building confidence is a process - and if you don't invest in yourself no one else will.
Second guessing yourself and stressing over every details is a sure recipe for disaster.
Getting your mojo and swerve takes time - Confidence is like Rome, it wasn't/isn't built over night - there are no quick fixes.

Holler Back!!!!!!!!!!

Softball and Real Estate

I've been involved in the purchase of a new home/condo the last few months and I couldn't help but think the correlation that exists between Softball and Real Estate.

So ....

Top Ten Ways Softball and Real Estate are related

10 LOCATION!!! LOCATION!!! LOCATION!! are crucial in both - where you buy a home it is probably the most important thing, while in softball where a pitcher locates his pitches is probably the most key element of the game

9. The better the school system the more valuable your home becomes, while in softball the better the school system the likelihood of you playing on a nicer and higher quality Field increases

8. When selling your home you rarely get the "ASK" price. In softball unless your a stud player you rarely get the playing time and lineup demands you "ASK"for

7. In real estate, brokers tell you anything you want to hear as long as they get their commission. In softball, league commissioners tell you anything you want to hear as long as you pay them their money

6. Buying a home can be a frustrating process - dealing with lawyers, sellers, and the government sucks. Softball can be a very frustrating process - dealing with slumps, bad umps, childish people really sucks

5. The Real Estate Business deals with Land and Property, Softball has it's own special land called the field where business is conducted

4. Both have hidden costs. Buying Real Estate involves paying for loans, inspections, assessments, lawyers, furniture, etc. Softball involves paying for balls, bases, umps, and perks for your stud players like cab rides, pastelitos, beer, weed, and Malecon chicken.

3. Both require you to shop around before making a major investment decision. You have to look at several homes before you find the right one that was meant to be. In softball, you have to play on different teams in different leagues before you find your softball home.

2. Both are very competitive and can have an ugly side.

and the Number One Way that Real Estate and Softball are similar

1. There is a racial demographic factor involved. People only want to buy homes where people of similiar ethnic backgrounds as their own live. While in softball, players from certain ethnic backgrounds only want to play within their own group - for examples dominicans in Inwood have to play in a league of all Dominicans where they share the same culture. In both cases, people feel their investment, either home or softball will lose value if others move in to theoir neighborhood or game.


Point #1 may be a little sad and serious but it brings me to why Central Park softball is special - I'll get to that in another bog - tell then Holler Back!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Morning Manager rides the NYC Subways

Sunday is the highest profile day in softball and when you manage every little move or non move you make is scrutinized and you hear about it on Monday, hence the term Monday Morning Manager.

As I detoxed on the way to work on the NYC train on Monday from all the unnecessary managerial stress, I realized managing is like riding a NYC train.

Top Ten Reasons Why managing is like riding the NYC subways trains

10. On a NYC train people think you crazy if you start up a conversation like "How's the weather or What do you do for a living". In managing your crazy if you tell anyone your moves before you have to.
9. Doing both involves getting your hands dirty
8. The manager is like the train conductor taking everyone through a journey through a dark tunnel toward a destination.
7. Passengers on the train get annoyed at the conductor if a delay occurs, just like players get annoyed at a manager if they don't get what they want. BLAME BLAME BLAME
6. Conductors asks everyone to tuck in their personal belongings, Managers ask players to grab all their stuff and pick up the bases before they go home
5. When the conductor says something on the Public announcement system people rarely listen. When a manager says a corny Denzel Washington speech players tune him out.
4. A metro card gets you a ride on the train. Paying the ump fee and league fee gets you a manging gig.
3. Both are dangerous if your not careful - anything can happen at any time.
2. On the trains their are a lot of bums looking for a handout and a free ride. In softball a lot of bums want to play and get a free ride on a winner

and the number one reasons why managing is like riding the NYC subway trains

1. In both all the passengers and players have different agendas and are very demanding. The conductor and manager just has to tune them all out, do his job, use their best judgement to get everyone home safely.

Investment Banking Softball

Top Ten Reasons Why Softball is like working an Investment Bank

10. No one cares about anything in either except production - What have you done lately?
9. Both have people who act as barracudas waiting to feast on you at the first sign of weakness
8. Connections - You need to know someone in the IB to get a good job with a top firm. In softball you need to know someone who plays with a good team to get hooked up with a winner
7. Both have asshole everywhere who can't be trusted - you gotta watch you back
6. Someone is always trying to get your job
5. No matter what you do you can't make everyone happy
4. Both have back stabbing political agendas and issues that super cede what's right and wrong
3. Things get ugly and personal in both
2. Greed is Good motto rules

and the Number Reasons Why Softball is like working an Investment Bank

1. Stress - Working in the IB reaches a point of diminishing returns, just like when too much stress takes the fun out of the game

League = da Club

Well it's opening week for most softball leagues and all the players out there are pretty excited.

This year I'm playing in a new league on Saturday's and in a couple of my existing leagues new teams are joining to add spice to the same old.

This got my demented mind thinking about how a softball league and a night lub are very similar.

Top Ten Reasons Why a Softball League and a Night Club are very similar

10. Both are filled with players looking to hustle - Your game better be tight if you wanna win
9. Plenty of liquor and weed can be found in both
8. It's hard to find a good dependable person to hookup with in a nightclub, and in a softball league it's hard to find good dependable players to fill your roster
7. In the club if you want to get the pretty girl you have to ignore her and eventually she'll pay attention to you and that's when you buy her drinks and hook up, In softball leagues you don't sweat the stud softball players by asking them to play for you. You have to go through the proper channels and then buy them drinks to get them to play with you.
6. In most clubs anyone can get in as long as they wait on line and pay the cover charge, In most leagues it doesn't matter if you suck as long as you can pay your league and ump fees your in there.
5. Certain clubs are hot spots and are hard to get into if you don't know someone at the velvet rope. Some softball leagues are tough to get into because they have high standards and require new teams to go through an interview process - i.e. Big Apple and Inwood
4. Ugly fights break out in clubs between drunk goons who only know how to ruin everyone good team. The same thing happens in softball as there is always one team full of goons and morons that instigate fights with the opposition and/or umpires
3. In the club there is always one guy who is not really that old just too old for that club (I've been that guy), While in softball there is always one player or team that is not really that old just too old to play competitively anymore
2. Except for a couple of special nights most clubs are a waste of time and money. Most softball leagues have only a few good teams that you look forward to playing against and the rest are just a waste of time because they suck.

and the Number One Reasons Why a Softball League and a Night Club are very similar

1. Whatever happens in the nightclub does not stay at the night club because the next day you call up all your friends and brag about where you where last night and who you hooked up with. Same thing in the softball league, if you had a big game you call up all your friends and tell them your the man. Of course the opposite is also true, if you were a scrub at the nightclub or the softball game you tell no one and keep it to yourself and hope for better luck next time.

Softball Nicknames

A cool part about softball is that people get nicknames.

Some people get nicknames for how they play.

Other people get nicknames for how they act.

Some people get nicknames for how they look.

In any case most nicknames are appropriate and fitting.

There are so many nicknames in softball selecting an elite Top Ten is very tough but that's what I do so.......

Top Ten Softball Nicknames

10. "Cabezza" - means Head in English - My teammate Eric has this nickname it's just funny - what's even funnier is when white people who can't say cabezza call him HEAD
9. "GUBI" - my boy Isaac Delgado has been called Gubi his whole life - I don't know what it means but it's a cool ghetto nickname
8. "Twinkle Twinkle" - I gave this nickname to Isaac "Gubi" Delgado - Gubi leads softball in nicknames. It has a song attached "Twinkle Twinkle Superstar, wow you hit the ball real far. Always saying your so hot until you throw the Ball over the backstop"
7. Fat Freddy from the Bronx's nickname is Officer Bar Brady from South Park. Officer Bar ady on South Park is a cop that always says "Nothing to see here People Nothing to see.". And as long as Fat Freddy is getting paid his league and ump fee he sees no evil. If a illegal player or pitcher shows up or the field is unplayable Freddy just says "Nothing to see here people Nothing to see just pay me my money"
6. Crazy Lou and Crazy Ricky (me) - the only difference between these too highly intense guys is that Lou is a much better player - they are both crazy
5. Willie "El Loco" Ferrer - El Loco is just Spanish for crazy - same thing as Ricky/Lou above just the ESL version - PS Willie is a softball legend and ike a fathyer to me but his mental issues go far beynd teh scope of this blog
4. Angry Jack - pickup softball Central Park - Jack is always angry - no one knows why, he is just always angry - some people march to their own drum - Jack marches to his own band/orchestra - Anger Management counseling is sorely needed
3. John Cordero nickname PLANET ZERO - We mere humans cannot even hope to comprehend the celestial plane he exists on - The irony is he has the nastiest stuff in all of softball - too bad he never met a batter he couldn't walk
2. Cedric "El Pitcher de WaWa" - English translation the pitcher of the bus - Cedric is one of the best pitcher's in all of softball and if you want to ride the Cedric bus all you have to do is pay the fare

and the Number One Nickname in all of Softball

1. El Nino = John Castillo - John won't talk to me for like 5 years after this Top Ten but the nickname Child is perfect. He is arguably the best player in all of softball - He's Babe Ruth - a stud pitcher and hitter. Heck he's my softball idol and I owe a lot of my softball success to him But he can be prone to adolescent bouts that can only be understood by those closest to him -kinda like a talented problem child in school. Hence the nickname El Nino

Where Does a Blog Come From??

Two of the most common questions I get are : (1) Where do you get the time to blog? and (2) How do you come up with your topics?

Well these questions must be answered like everything else I do - A Top Ten

Top Ten Ways I find time to develop and write a blog

10. A day in the Life brings me the topic and I just summarize it. Blogging Socrates - I blog therefore I am
9. You the readers are my playground, somehow you find a way to do or say something that does something special to me - Provoke thought and Inspiration - for that I thank you b/c without this life would be less meaningful
8. Writing drunk helps - while your hammered you lose all track of time and think of stupid shit
7. At work - Who cares about the Sub-Prime Mortgage Crisis? I have softball on my mind!!!
6. On the train - Thinking about blogs is a lot better than reading the NY POST.
5. I try and find something everyone can relate too - Sex, Lies, and Videotape always work
4. Honesty is the best policy - I always tell my sick version of the truth in blogs. In writing a softball blog they key isn't softball it's all the other bullshit that happens during or before softball that matters - people have seen homers, errors, strikeouts - what interesting is what goes into the game - The hate, the pain, the rivalry, the corruption, the love - All the twists and turns of a soap opera
3. Astrid hasn't moved in yet - I have time for now - when our condo closes then I'll worry
2. Plagiarism. Most this wacky stuff I copy from someone else and put my own spin on it - I'm not witty and original enough to do this on my own

and the and the number one way I find time to write and develop a blog

1. Therapy - Tony Soprano makes appointments with his therapist Doctor Melfi to cope with life, I make daily appointments with my Blog - It's my daily therapy routine to cope with the insanity of the world and people around me.

Breaking Up

Breaking up with your significant other can be very stressful and/or difficult.

They same can be said of breaking up with a softball team.

Top Ten Ways that Breaking up with a softball team is like breaking up with your significant other

10. The "It's not you it's me" breakup excuse is the easiest way out in both . They are also both lies , that really mean "It's really you now get lost scrub"

9. When you break up in a relationship you want to hook up with someone else to help you forget, in softball after you quit or are cut you want to find a team where you can get more playing time for yourself and forget the old team

8. Your looking to upgrade in both - smarter hotter companion in life and better team in softball

7. They both hurt but sometimes you gotta do it for the best - do the right thing

6. Both involve an emotional attachment - you leave a little bit of your heart behind

5. You don't leave a team or a lover unless you got another one lined up as a replacement

4. When you see your old girl/boy friend after the breakup it's awkward, just like when you see your old teammates again after you quit it can be kinda "Weird"

3. In life Hell Hath no Fury like a woman scorned and in softball hell hath no fury like an ex teammate released - both want to come back and beat you

2. In both instances you stop picking up the phone when the person that got dumped starts calling

and the Number One Way that Breaking up with a softball team is like breaking up with your significant other

1. You been with the other person so long you don't know what to do with yourself now that it's over. The same can be said in softball, now that you no longer play with the team you have no idea what to do with yourself - Loneliness and Displacement sets in

Rainouts

Rain Rain Go Away come back another day

Yeah it's absolutely pouring today - No Softball For You!!!!!!!!!!

What do softball junkies do during rain outs???

Top Ten Things Softball Players do during days that their games are rained out

10. Pretend to be normal - cook, clean, watch movies, catch up on DVR'd shows, do their taxes
9. Watch Porn
8. Write out Lineups
7. Go to the batting cage and strip club - same thing remember?
6. Annoy their normal friends by calling them all day
5. Eat a lot if junk food and get fat
4. Nap and dream about softball
3. Drink liquor alone while spanning the web and shopping on-line
2. Complain about the weather

and the Number One Thing Softball Players do during days they get rained out

1. Nothing

Irony in Jackie Robinson Week

One thing that I loved about baseball/softball was that it didn't matter if you were tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white - all that mattered was that you were good.

That's kind of why I always respected Jackie Robinson so much - he had to deal with so much stupid racist bullshit, but he showed the world through his ability and poise that all that matters is that you can play the game.

That's why on this week where we honor 60th anniversary of his achievement it bothers me that this Don Imus controversy has taken place.

Imus is a shock jock and what he said was wrong you can't diss good college kids trying to do the right thing like that. Imus as a man has done a lot of good thing but that is still no excuse for his actions he paid to face the consequences of his action. I understand and agree with his firing, but something still bothers me about it.

Jackie Robinson was strong enough to not fight back - he peacefully proved his worth, and in the end everyone won. But when so called activist like that phony Al Sharpton and to a lesser degree Jesse Jackson get involved then I feel like we all lose. They twist issues to their advantage for their own agenda creating a schism between the races. The Imus firing was right out of Salem Massachusetts - a witch hunt.

I think Jackie Robinson would have thought the firing was fair but he would have been unhappy about how it all went about. This issue seems to have further divided blacks and non blacks more than unite them and as a result, it seems we all lost something.

Having all this go down on Jackie Robinson week still tells me that we still have a long way to go.

Friday the 13th and Softball SuperStitions

Today is Friday the 13th - probably the most Superstitious day of the year.

I'm a very superstitious person - especially when it comes to softball and baseball, specifically the Mets.

I believe in the softball/baseball gods - they exist and should always be respected or suffer the consequences.

The Number One thing the softball gods always punish is people who talk trash.

It's bad karma and luck to talk trash, not to mention classless.

Here are a few examples on how the baseball and softball gods exact revenge :

Jimmy Rollins a stud player on the Phillies talked trash that the Phillies were the team to beat - and guess what happened - he makes a game losing error on opening day against the Mets.
The baseball gods even teased him as he hit 2 homers last night but his team still lost.

The Softball gods are ruthless as well.

One year on opening day I was on a new team in a new league and we were on fire for 6 innings leading the game by a score of 5-2 and then I opened my mouth by saying "We are going to take the league by storm". Next thing you know the other team score 4 runs in the bottom of the seventh and left us on the field. Our team never recovered as we didn't even make the playoffs.

So on Friday the 13th I always take a few moments to remember the consequences of betraying my superstitions. Do the right thing our softball/baseball's version of Jason from the horror movie will make you pay.


Holler Back with any superstitions you might have.

Peace Out

Models and SuperStar Players

I went on a photo shoot today ( a story for another blog) and as I stood like a brain dead zombie while some photographer clicked away on his camera I couldn't help but think that
Supermodels and Superstar Softball Players have a lot in common

Top Ten Things Supermodels and Superstar Softball Players have in common

10. People pay way too much attention to them - They need to be ignored
9. Both are moody high maintenance Divas - .irresponsible and never on time - extremely difficult to deal with
8. Both look good on the outside but lack substance on the inside - Beauty is only skin deep in life and softball
7. Supermodel Naomi Campbell was arrested and had to do community service - so have most stud players
6. Models wear the latest fashion, Stud players rock the newest gear and equipment
5. Models perform on stage, they know how to walk and work the runway, Stud players perform under the greatest stage of them all - The playoffs - they now how to walk the walk at crunch time
4. They both act like you need them more than they need you - ARROGANT!!!!!
3. Models never pay for anything - Stud players never pay for umps and league fees
2. Models usually have an entourage, Stud players also have an entourage like a scrubby friend who must play if you want to get to the Stud play with you (Castillo and Rick????)

and the Number One Thing Supermodels and Superstar Softball Players have a lot in common

1. Both want to get paid !!!!!!!!

The Need for Rivals and SuperVillians

Rivalries and Super Villains are needed in sports, books, movies, and life to help bring out the very best in someone. It's so corny but true.

In boxing, Ali needed Frazier - someone to beat him so he could come back stronger and proves his greatness

In the comics and movies, the X-Men needed to defeat Magneto to show the humanity that not all mutants are evil

In politics, USA needed Russia - Who would ever remember or care about the 1980 Olympics if it weren't for this political feud? It would never had meant so much without the tension.

The Yankees need the Red Sox - The Curse lasted 86 years it was personal

You get the point

It got me thinking about my softball rivals and who they resemble

Here are some of my fieriest rivals in the softball world, and no matter if I like, hate, admire, or respect them there is no denying that I need them to push myself to succeed.

Softball Rivals

John Sheppard - Manager West - He just flat out beat my teams for years until I finally got over the hump, and even then I barely won.
At first I didn't like him - he was obnoxiously honest, a sore loser, and very competitive.
Then I realized he was just like me.
I have grown to really like and respect him over the years even though we both try to beat one another every time we play. It's evolved into a Magento-Charles Xavier friendship relationship right out of the X-Men - two friends on opposites sides. It's corny and geeky but also true.

John Rosenmiller - manager Choice Parts. Resembles Evil Sith lord and ruler of The Evil Empire from Star Wars. Powerful and always a factor in softball. No matter what I think there is no denying that the man is all about winning and will do whatever it takes to succeed.

Dio Jackson - founder, manager and exalted ruler of Highlander Nation - rags to riches softball success. I compare him to Anikan Skywalker totally driven to the power of winning. Definitely a strong force to reckon with in the softball universe.

Contact - 3 time defending champions Big Apple League - they are like the Borg from Star Trek - Resistance is Futile. You hit the ball hard, they turn a double play. They hit a blooper it falls. You make an error, they make you pay for it. They are Relentless - Imitation is the greatest form of flattery I hope to one day have a team that performs up to their standard

Morgan Stanley - Wall Street league - They are like the Yankees and my team is like the Red Sox they always find a way to beat us

Merrill Lynch & Wall Street - Ironically I play on both these very good teams. They are like a pack of dogs, when one starts barking everyone barks. This time is never happy unless it is unhappy. Sadly we have met the enemy and it is us, we are our own worse enemy.

Anyway, without all this rivalry and conflict Winning would never feel so good and losing wouldn't hurt so bad - that's what makes this game special for me.

Holler!!!!!

Love your comments - keep them coming

Gift and Curse - Managing

In Spiderman, Peter Parker refers to his powers as the Gift and the Curse. - Jay-Z evens rhymes about it - It's all about an unappreciated contradiction - just like managing.

That's what managing is - A gift and curse.

The Gift is spending numerous hours of blood, sweat, and tears with the goal of only getting a $5 championship softball signed by your team at the end of the season.

The Curse is the 2nd guessing, the hate, the selfish behavior, the back stabbing, the aggravation, the pressure, that comes with managing - face it - it is impossible to make everyone happy.

Don't even try.

But just like Spiderman figured out "With Great Power comes Great Responsibility" - be responsible, be fair, be honest - the softball gods will reward you one day

Anyway, that all from your friendly neighborhood Idiot Savant

P.S. No I wasn't high when I wrote this wack ass blog

Holler!!!!!!

Softball and BlackJack - plus a Zagats Hechsher Park Rating

I was in Atlantic City Saturday night wasting away my money at the casinos when an old thought crept into my mind - Softball is a lot like Blackjack - here's why?

Top Ten Reasons Why Softball and Black Jack are alike

10. In Blackjack the dealer usually has an ace up his sleeve - In Softball every league has a team with a wringer pitcher up their sleeves to give them a competitive advantage
9. In Blackjack the odds are less than 50% that you will win - In softball the odds are usually less than 50% that you will get a hit - Both are a game of Failure
8. In Blackjack you have dumb players that ruin the game - same thing in softball
7. Everyone is greedy in Blackjack - Same thing in softball - Managers want the best players - will cheat, lie. steal and do anything to win
6. Everyone blames the dealer when they lose in blackjack. In softball everyone blames the umpire
5. They both require Risk - Scared Money Don't Make Money
4. In Black Jack if you go over 21 you bust and lose - In softball if your down by more than 12 (inverse of 21) you lose - mercy rule
3. Everyone thinks they know how to play Blackjack and that they can beat the house - In softball everyone thinks they already know how to play and can win the Championship
2. Your always trying to win your money back in Blackjack while in Softball your always trying to win your league fee money back

and the Number One Reason Blackjack and Softball are alike

1. Both should be played for fun - but somewhere along the way it gets personal and become an Obsession

and oh yeah by the way, after gambling till 3 AM in AC I drove all morning to NYC to play softball at Hecksher - loser

OK enough Top Ten babble - let's get to Zagat's Softball Review of the New Hecksher ball fields in Central Park

Review Rating Guide

**** 4 Stars - excellent
*** Very Good
** Average
* Pathetic

Infield Quality **** - awesome
Outfield Grass Quality - **** - PROFESSIONAL
Batter's Box **** - No ghetto whole for Right Handed Hitters
Pitchers Mound *** (rated by Jimmy Bitros Central Park Pickup Legend) - very comfortable
Field Crossover/Interference - * sorry but this will always suck at Heckshier - very dangerous
Dugouts - **** - Excellent - enclosed - protected from public - protects both players from foul ball and bad throws as well as their keeping belongings safely away from public reach
Spectator/ Stands **** - Wood Benched - very nice and comfortable
Bathroom - * - still under construction - Portable Potty's - Horrible
Bike Stands * - none
Fans - **** - midtown proximity draws numerous tourist and spectators

Overall Rating *** 1/2 stars - Great Lawn and 103rd street are still better - but its an awesome place to play

Holler!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cellphones and Softball

I'm not going to front - I love talking on my cellphone.

I talk long distance on my cell phone all the time.
I talk on the cellphone while driving.
I talk at the cellphone when I'm at a bar or club.
But Cellphones have no place whatsoever on the softball field.

Top Ten Reasons Why Cellphones have no place on softball field

10. It looks superficial and tacky - Softball is a sincere game it should be respected
9. The softball gods do not approve - they want you to play and forget your worries
8. It makes you look desperate - calling players to show up - very Chicken headish
7. Softball is an escape from reality - Cellphones take you back to reality
6. Your likely to break or lose your phone if you take it on the field - waste of money
5. They don't help you play better - in fact they make you play worse - distraction
4. Using a cellphones during softball is like using one at the dinner table - it's inconsiderate and rude to others
3. The only exception is if you have a family or business emergency - and even then don't take you phone on the field - call from the dugout or better yet text message
2. It looks ghetto

and the Number One Reason Why Cellphones have no place in softball

1. They are annoying - stupid ringing, listening on other people domestic issues - GO AWAY!!

HOLLER!!!!!!!!!!

Drinking Alone and Blogging

I'm sitting here drinking alone in my apartment watching the Yankees and Tampa play baseball in the snow in my HDTV and just chilling and getting hammered.

I couldn't help but think of liquor and softball and how they are both intertwined.

Top Ten People I think about when it comes to liquor and softball

10. Lou Gonzalez - one of the best stud players in all of NYC - never has had a drink - after winning MVP of the finals - the team tried boring champagne down his throat and he punched his way out of it - amazing discipline
9. Lou manager if the Cardinal's - always stops after the 13th drink - has Bacardi running through his veins
8. Aaron Fernandez - best irresponsible drunk and high player I know
7. Freddy Suarez - Coors light is his Gatorade
6. Gilberto - there is some old skool moonshine Mama Juana liquor jug still in my refrigerator from teh Knockout championship last year
5, Chelo - legendary alcholic grounds keeper from Inwood - not allowed below Great White barrier on 96th street - absolutely hammered by 8:30 AM
4. Giancarlo Lanzano - doesn't care anything about softball - but able to catch a ball and not spill his beer - softball is totally fun for him
3. Castilo - will play or ump for Heineken
2. Joey, Tony and Ralpha from Pickup - always get high on your own supply

and the number one person I think of when it comes to liquor and softball

1. Jose Carrion - cannot handle his liquor, only hardcore African American porn can sober him up

Bottom line ; Liquor can either make you or break you -

Batting Cages and Strip Clubs

In my warped mind I stated thinking how similar the batting cages and strip clubs really are :

Top Ten Reasons Why the Batting Cages and Strip Clubs are similar

10. They're both a waste of money
9. They have their own currency - the batting cages uses tokens, strip clubs use funny money
8. They both serve as a means to release stress and other things
7. Both give you fake confidence - You think your the man when you walk out
6. Both are only an illusion that doesn't really compare to the real thing - especially implants
5. Both are usually run down dumps held together by a few loyal sucker patrons
4. A lot of lying goes on - People at the cage tell you you have a good swing and can still play - strippers tell you your good looking and sweet - both tell you what you want to hear
3. Mostly men hang out in both establishments
2 Most female patrons that hang out in these establishments are Lesbians

and the Number One Reasons Why the Batting Cages and Strip Clubs are similar

1. In the long run neither place makes you any better but you get some short term satisfaction

Pitchers and Trees

I've gotten numerous calls from softball friends and acquaintances recently asking me to "find them a pitcher ".

That's like asking me to find a girl that is a Victoria Secret super model that cooks cleans, makes money and swallows - sorry dude nearly impossible.

Making their request doubling difficult is that they want a pitcher on a Sunday.
Sunday is by far softball's busiest day and pitching is at a premium.
Moreover, I'm managing a Sunday team this year and why would I give someone else a pitcher that I might need?

Anyway, the best advice I could give someone is Pitchers are like trees - grow them.

Either become one yourself or give a young pitcher a chance to develop - it's your best long term bet - Holler!!!!!!!

Softball and th Stock Market

I work in the financial services industry and for some reason my Rain Man mind started thinking about how similar the Stock Market and Softball really are so ......

Top Ten Reasons Why Softball is like the Stock Market

10. In both you buy low and sell high - maximize value - Get Rich or Die Trying to Win
9. In the stock market you have Blue Chip stocks, in softball you have Blue Chip Stud players
8. Performance is all that matters - it;s teh bottom line - you have winners and losers
7. Both are very unpredictable
6. Both require long run thinking while being mindful of the present - a contradiction
5. Don't get emotionally attached in either or you will lose more often than not
4 You have to be full of shit to succeed
3. It's not where you are that counts its where your going - Projections
2. Rumor are everywhere - It's about to you to decide who and what has substance

and the Number One Reasons Why Softball is like the Stock Market

1. They both require hustle

Holler Back Softball Nation - much love

Rookie Manager Loses His Virginity

Top Ten Reasons why it's appropriate that my 1st official day as manager of Gallagher's falls on April Fool's day.

10. I'm a fool - obviously -
9. Only a fool would want to manage
8. Softball has a way of playing cruel practical jokes on you
7. I'm a clown
6. No on takes me seriously just like no one takes practical jokes on April 1st seriously
5. I planned it that way - Idiot Savant - there is a method to my madness
4. Only fools fall in love - and I love softball
3. It was the only day Astrid let me out of the house - even fools get whipped
2. The Mets open on April fools day and I'm a Met fan - Only fools are Met fans

and the Number One Reasons Why it's appropriate that my 1st official day as manager of Gallagher's falls on April Fool's day.

1. April Fools Day and Ricky - of course it makes perfect sense

On to the business of softball ( is it business ? - hmm that's another blog)

The day started out on a funny note as the entire team got lost - but we all ended getting up lost in the same exact spot on some desolate NJ soccer field.
But it wasn't so bad - kinda funny and Rob soon came along to rescue all of us directionally challenged people.

But after that everything went smooth.
We ironed out all the kicks on defense and got our swings in on offense.

One thing I liked was the versatility the ball club has two offer. I'm pretty much at least 5 deep in the IF & OF. Now it's up to me to come up with the right combination to make it all happen.

We far from where we need to be. We are not instant oatmeal - just add water and serve.
I have to find the right combination of ingredients to stir the pot.
I know we are going to get better so be patient and give it time.

Anyway, more corny stuff to follow in future blogs

Holler Back or send me an e-mail at Rickysoftball2@yahoo.com peace