Saturday, December 22, 2007

Softball Insider Christmas Edition

It's Christmas and most people don't give a thought or even a damn about softball, nor should they I mean it's about kids, family, friends, and appreciating the good in our lives.

I love all the characters associated with X-mas and in my sick twisted mind I see a connection between them and Softball enthusiasts I know.

Oh Oh I guess that means I'm in the mood to write a Top Ten

Top Ten people or things in Softball that resemble Christmas Characters

10. SANTA!!!!!!
Everyone loves Old Saint Nick - and in softball everyone loves Jimmy Bitros.
When making a pick-up lineup he's checking his list, checking it twice, to make sure which
pick-up locos has been incarcerated more than twice.
Also, Jeff Marcus gets honorable mention as Santa only b/c he used to look like him before going on a diet.

9. Elves.
Santa slaves.
Poor guys don't even have a union and don't know how to function in normal society.

In Softball everyone in central park pick-up is like an elf ( me included) - angry for no reason.
Elves love Santa, Pick up players love Jimmy. Yet the both want to kill their leaders at times.

8. Reindeer's.
These guys are Union.
These guys are studs who get special treatment b/c Santa can't do the job without them.
They only work once a year and when the weather gets bad they stick some reindeer which a disability in the front in case they crash.

In softball, Stud players and wringers are reindeer's.
They think they are better than everyone else b/c they know the manager cant win without them. Fill in the blanks on who you think fits this description

7. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. - Bro they wrote a song about this guy

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games.

You know the rest.

In Softball Rudolph is the worst guy on your team that most people shit on b/c that's human nature until he comes through for you big time and wins you some games. Rick?

6. Baby New Year
OK hes not really a Christmas character but who could ever forget the big eared kid from the Rudolph Christmas Special. Baby New Year symbolized a new beginning and after a long season all players crave a new beginning with the upcoming season

5. The Grinch that Stole Christmas - man this guy was cold and ruthless out for #1.
In softball, there are many nominees. Yorkoff, Rosenfishy, but I nominate wringer slinger pitchers who penetrate modified leagues and ruin the competitive balance of a league.

4. Tiny Tim. Mr."God Bless us all everyone"
In softball Little Dave is like an Angry version of Tiny Tim.
Except all Dave wants for Christmas is playing time and walks.

3. Bob Cratchit - worked for Ebeneezer Scrooge.
Had a tough job and was underpaid, but loved his family.
The softball version of Bob Cratchit is Blonde, the commissioner from
Puts up with a lot of bullshit and doesn't make any real money

2. Ebeneezer Scrooge. A Christmas Carol
Cheap, lonely, abusive, mean and bitter is no way to go through life.
Al Morales and Yorkoff softball represent Ebeneezer Scrooge.
They need to change.
Honorable mention Rick

and the #1 Softball Players that resemble Christmas Characters

1. Ghost of Past Present, and Future from a Christmas Carol
Ghost of Past - Van Courtland and Fat Freddy Lob Ball Softball league in the Bronx.
This is were it all began.
Present - Central Park, 54rth street, Long Island, Inwood - Good times that should be enjoyed
Future - for RIck - El Parque de la Ochenta - I live in Union City now, time to play in NJ

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Award Parties

So far this off season I have gone to a couple of softball award parties/dinners and it got me to asking why do people love award dinner/parties.

Top Ten Reasons People Love Softball Award Dinner and Parties.

10. Players love to walk the red carpet and get interviewed by Joan Rivers and her annoying daughter. The Fashion Police is out in full effect. Ballplayers love to get Blinged Out!! Gotta see which players have a big gold chain around their neck that is in the shape of their uniform number.
9. Sincere Friendship and Loyalty.
8. Chance to hang out with Pete Martinez the godfather of softball. Love his Outfits.

7. Free Food
6. Free Liquor - free is the common theme here
5. It's old skool - nerdy but cool.
4. The Speeches - Who needs to see the new Denzel Washington movie for a good speech when you can here the Oscar level quality speeches that go on at Softball Award dinners.
3. Can't play outside now and get away from wives, work, etc., so the award dinner gives them one last chance to get away and cling to softball.
2. Trophies provide a sense of personal achievement. I personally don't like trophies, to me they are just dust collectors. I really like Team pictures/plaques - they are classy and a provide a very nice personal memory.

and the #1 Reasons People Love Softball Award Dinner and Parties.

1. Next Year!!! Everyone clings to next year. People like to talk about who they will recruit, who will manage, and how good they are. Basically people love to Gossip, Bag, and Showoff.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


For the last several seasons I have played in a weekday fall softball league called
Yorkville Sports Association.

Yorkville is not a league, rather it is a business. In fact it is a rip off.
Hence, the name YorkOff!
Unfortunately, it is a business that is not yet regulated by the better business bureau.
Leagues, like people, are not perfect, but this association operates under the veil of a monopoly as they control numerous fields throughout the city. More often than not, they do what and when they want at the expense
of player safety and fair competitive play all in the name of $$$$$$$$$!!!!!!

Here are some examples of poor service:

(1) Umpires
It's hard to get good reliable umps in any league, but in this league the umps are in on the hustle. Bases are placed at major league distances so as to speed up the game.
The umps care more about hurrying a game rather than having a good game.
Yorkville umpires strikes zone are notoriously wider than the grand canyon.
Rarely do umps cancel games due to weather or poor field conditions. Safety comes last.

(2) Field Quality.
While it's not Yorkville's fault that 54th street field is the worst field in the city (it will be redone into turf this winter) it has been called "Donde Caga La Vaca" ( Where the cows shit).
It is their fault that games have been played with puddles the size of the Atlantic everywhere and with several banks of lights out that make seeing the ball a task that only Bugs Bunny could accomplish. Their idea of working on the field is having the president of the league drive around the field with a rake or broom tied to the back of his 4X4 pickup truck or SUV. Pathetic

(3) Player safety.
Recently on a day when the field (especially home plate and 3rd base) was covered with puddles they played a co-ed game where the batters box started at the mound and the pitcher threw from 2nd base. Ridiculous and dangerous.

(4) Games Times
This is there schedule (in blue)

Yorkville Fall League
- coed games use earlier slots and men's are later
Coed - 6:00 earliest
- 7:30 latest
- And any time in between

Men's - 7:30 earliest
- 9:00 latest
- And any time in between
* Sorry We Do Not Accept Requests For Game Times *

Our Fall League is Monday - Thursday. Teams may pick 2 days of the week they would like to play on and Yorkville will attempt to schedule all regular season games on 1 of your 2 choices. Playoffs and rescheduled games may not be on your chosen day.

Games per week

1 game per week
1 bye week per season (this means you will not play 1 week due to odd # of teams)
You may see additional games per week or double headers depending on cancellations due to rain outs etc.

What strikes me is the following:
  1. I love the "We Do Not Accept Requests For Game Times" policy.
  2. 9pm games in 30 degree weather? Are you fing kidding me? 9pm start is too late anyway.
  3. Bye weeks? It's a six game fall season why do you need byes? B/C of the odd # of teams? That means they are like the airlines that get greedy and over book flights, I mean teams, and the consumer misses out a chance to play in the good weather and is stuck with playing in the brutal cold.

(5) Cost.


To play in Yorkville Fall League as a team it is $870.00 for the season.

That's $145 a game for a 6 game season. That's quite a hustle

(6) Payouts


6 regular season games, officials for the game, permits for the fields the team plays on, playoffs for the top 4 teams, and $1,000.00 cash prize to the league champion.

You can make only $130 (1,000 - 870) if you win the whole thing?!?!? That's a joke.
More importantly, the playoff structure is NCAA Basketball style single elimination tournament. Single elimination in softball? One and done. Not much value there.

Finally, the only reason I play in this league is that my manager's business sponsors our team. I would never pay a penny to play in this league and neither should you.
Next year the league will probably be better thanks to the new field. As mentioned above, no league is perfect, but in this league you seem to get very little value for you investment of time and money.

Softball Zagat Rating - One Star - Avoid if possible

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Pinch Hitting

Today I was pinch hit for.
No one likes to get pinch hit for.
But that's a pride and ego thing.
The more important question to ask is when is it the right time to pinch hit for someone.

Top Ten Pinch Hitting Manual for Managers

10. You batter is an absolute sure out. I mean someone who has only 2 chances of getting a hit - slim and none. He's got to go.
9. Your PH is a significant upgrade for your current hitter. If PH a motivated player go for it
8. Your current batter is drunk, high and useless - dead weight has got to go.
7. Never pinch hit someone who is cold, high, and out of it. 99% of the time it's a waste.
6. Reputation should never matter. Only production matters. People like to talk. Talk is cheap
5. Always pinch hit for someone who doesn't want to hit and is afraid. There is nothing to fear but fear itself.
4. The situation. What do you need ? A HR? A sac fly? Move the runner over? Use the guy who has the best chance to get the job done.
3. Never listen to people who show no loyalty to you and fuck over players who have been loyal to you. It's not worth it. Don't sell out b/c they want you to make moves.
2. If a good hitter has shows up late use him once you think he is ready. Never go to war without using all your bullets.

and the #1 Pinch Hitting Manual for Managers

1. PH is overrated. Mangers who like to PH are usually desperate or power tripping. Focus more on putting your starters in the best position o win and worry about PH later.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

WALK OFF!!!!!!!!!!

Today Elvis hit a two strike, two out, two run homer in the bottom of the 10th to give us (The Cardinals) the win in the first game of a best of three series.

Elvis is without a doubt one of the best players in all of softball. Much props to his clutch blast.

Is there a more exciting play in sofball than a walk off homer?

Top Ten Things that make a walk off homer so special.

10. They are so rare and memorable
9. The finality of it. There is no get them next time. The game is over.
8. The drama.
7. Performance under pressure against good competition.
6. The thrill
5. The pile on at home plate, Man the batter gets fucked up
4. We all dream about it
3. The wonderful memory it gives you
2. The after party. Time to drink. smoke, and be merry

and he #1 Things hat make a walk off homer so special.

1. It's a special thing exclusive to baseball where the winning team acts like they are nine years old while at the same time it breaks the valiant losers heart.

Friday, October 19, 2007


The picture above is of Jose Carrion during Knockout's 2006 celebration party!!! Jose passed out that night, after messing up everyone' high

Jose is one of the funniest, talented, and most dangerous (to both his team and opponents) players in all of Softball. Yet Jose hasn't been seen in weeks. TBS could sure use him.

So the question must be asked " Where is Jose?"

Top Ten Reasons why Jose hasn't been showing up to Inwood

10. Drive from his Connecticut home is simply too far
9. He loves drama will return for the playoffs
8. Works for Bacardi family now. Passed out like in the picture on a daily basis now
7. Family Guy - signed by the WB network to film a modern version of Leave it to Beaver
6. Jose knows he can't top George Colon's ump rage outburst from a few weeks ago so he stays home and sulks
5. Plays Softball in Connecticut with white guys that call him Joe and think he's the greatest thing since sliced bread. Little do they know.
4. Thinking of new ways to make simple throws more complicated and life threatening for 1st baseman
3. Doesn't smoke anymore and doesn't want to be around temptation
Starting career as porn director specializing in African American heavy weight beauty's

and the #1 Reasons why Jose hasn't been showing up to Inwood

I wish I knew - we could use him

Thursday, October 18, 2007

MailBag: Replies to Comments

Any comment is a good comment.At least it means people are reading.Keep all your comments coming.I read them all. Even the ones that diss me. Hey if I can dish it out it's only fair I take it as well.So let's look at some recent comments in the mailbag.

Comment #1
Anonymous said...

Ricky, Why don't you spend your time covering the softball aspect of this site, instead of trying to be funny and insulting teams with your comments, considering you suck.
Furthermore, I would pay closer attention to the loss of integrity that seems to be happening with this league every passing year. Lastly, looch should not be eating PASTELES at 9:45am under the tree while he has an inexperienced ump officiating one of the biggest series of the year. This should narrow down for you who may be writing this. Signed, May no meats be safe

Ricky Response:

Dear Mr. May no meats be safe (hilarious !!)

This comment was very well written and has lot different points that I will address.
First of all, I totally agree with your point that a more experienced umpire crew was needed for the HighLander-TBS match up last week. The calls would have been more decisive and an experienced crew would have nipped all the goonish trash talking that went on from both sides in the bud. Luckily the better team, The Highlanders, won and made this a moot point. However, I strongly disagree with your loss of integrity comment. The ump decision last week was made by Looch, not the league. Moreover, we do our very best to have very competitive match ups week in and week out and eliminate illegal players and pitchers. We have set an example of fair play by suspending one of our best players 4 games for unacceotable behavior and banning another pitcher from our roster from throwing. Thirdly, thank you for letting the softball world know I suck. Teams have stopped offering me money to bat last and play catcher for them. More importantly, is not about me dissing other teams or trying to be funny. It's about softball, life, and one man's experiences and opinions. However, I do love your idea about focusing more on the softball aspect of the site, but since I suck I am not qualified to offer instruction. Luckily I do know who is qualified. If you want to become a better hitter go to Inwood this sunday and watch the Highlanders cleanup batter Anthony hit (see picture below. it looks like Anthony my apologies if it is not. In any case this is a beutiful swing). He's a big reason why the Highlanders are a heavy favorite to win their second citysoftball title in three years.


Comment #2- from Dio Jackson - Manager and exalted ruler of Highlander Nation

So now you want to call out my team and say we are fools....
Rick, I really don't know what's going on or why you have so much hate for us. But seriously you need to chill out.You're getting a little too personal.
Your instigating this situation and it's gonna get worse.
You lost last week, accept it and move on. When you beat us for the chip last year we congratulated your team and it was all good. I handed over The Inwood Championship Belt.I know jealousy is a BITCH but you don't have to act like one when you lose.

See you at Inwood.

Rick Response:

For the record I would like to state that the Highlanders are one of the best teams in NYC softball. As a former Highlander player, I have no jealousy toward the players, manager, and the entire HI Nation. Last week both the Highlanders and TBS talked way too much trash and it became ugly, embarrassing, and goonish at Inwood. In my last blog the comment "only fools argue with fools" meant that I will never be involved in any form of trash talking b/c everyone looks bad when trash talking goes on/
End of subject.
Comment #3

Anonymous said...

BTW can someone please tell me what the "C" on Johnny's shirt signifies?????

Rick Response:

It's going to be interesting to C, I mean see, how Castillo reacts to all this bashing and the TBS losing streak. Will it be power on or power off? Besides the return of 4 or 5 missing key players , TBS could sure use some Castillo power on right now to quiet all the critics and score some runs.

Comment #4
Anonymous said...

Rick.... the only way you get people to look at your bullshit is at the expense of castillo. leave the guy alone.... without him you were just an unknown scrub in the bench..

Rick Response:

Comment #5

Anonymous said...
Get a job u bum

Rick Response:

Dear No Name:

The way the sub-prime market is going, I will need to get a job soon.
Layoffs will happen. Time to ump.

Comment #6

Blondie & Rick, you guys are doing a great deed that goes unappreciated. It's a thankless job but many of us do it because we love the game. Unfortunately, in doing so we end up losing money.

Have a great fall season!!!!

Central Park Softball League
Rick Response:

Thanks Steve. But why haven't you showed up and pitched for the Gator Club this season, they finished 1-13 without you bro. We would never ban you!!!!!!


Sunday, October 14, 2007

Top Ten I Will Not

Everyone wants to know why I haven't been blogging lately.

First they hate the blog, now they want the blog.

It's all good.

The blog has become like Desperate Housewives - Americas's favorite little secret

Top Ten Softball Topics I will not Blog About

10. Tread Bike Shop Losing Streak - We Shall Overcome!!!!!!
9. Highlanders - Very good team - but it's like Jay-z said "One should never argue with fools b/c from a distance people can't tell who is who "
8. Banned Slinger Pitchers in Citysoftball league by cheating teams - It's a hard job staying on top of all the illegal pitching, we make our mistakes, but at least we try and address it and don't act like officer Bar Brady from South Park "Nothing to see here people nothing to see"

7. Mario's Saturday Softball league at 12oth and 2nd Ave - this league is ghetto and loco style - It's like an amusement park fun and life threatening at the same time
6. Inwood Umpires - I love Luch - we eats too many pastels - but I hate blaming umps. In fact we support our umps we suspended one of our best players 4 games for improper behavior.
5. $$$$$ - Citysoftball is a non for profit institution except for Chelo he's rich
4. Dominican Power Softball Team - talented but problematic
3. Weed and Softball - Most people say that Baseball and Apple Pie go hand in hand, In softball Weed and Softball go hand in hand. I don't smoke so I'm not qualified to elaborate.
2. Statistics - Softball statistics are useless. A 444 bating average doesn't tell you anything. Just watch it will tell you who is hitting consistently and playing good defense. It's all about everyone playing in the position that gives the team the best chance to win. You can't win if your 8th hitter is hitting 4th and your catcher is playing SS. Everyone has to be there playing together. Anything else sucks.

and the #1 Softball Topics I will not Blog About

1. Next Season - Next year is irrelevant.
Now will never come again. Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

Monday, October 8, 2007

QUALIFY - an ugly word

Every Stud player loves the word QUALIFY.

It's the minimum number of games you need to play in the regular season to become eligible for the playoffs. I swear to god one day I will manage a team called QUALIFY.

I can here the chat now 1-2-3 QUALIFY!!!!!!!!

Top Ten Things I FUCKING HATE about the word Qualify in Softball

10. Most stud players ask "WHO WE PLAYING???" when you tell them about a game. If the caliber of opponent is not to their likely they skip the game and tell you they qualify for the playoffs anyway. Thanks buddy - leaves a manager searching for forfeit avoiders and fucked.
9. After a bad loss people don't show up until playoffs.
8. In Spanish the word to describe people who ask if they "Qualify" is "Se prive" - they think they are privilege. Stud players think they are like fine Maxim girl models who have half the money and all the pussy. In other words, serious POWER TRIPPING !!!
7. Shows low character - In other words. ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!! - only care about themselves
6. Shows that when the going gets tough the tough just want to qualify. Asshole again
5. Much like regular society people don't want to give commit to something, they would rather do things shiesty style and through the backdoor.
4. Qualify really means sneak me onto your roster, Then in the playoffs bench a guy who has been playing well, but isn't as good as me so that you will have a chance to win it all. This work about 33% of the time. It's a crap shoot. Depending if your team accepts the wringer. Especially a pitcher. In other words. it's shiesty and makes a manger look bad with his regulars if he fails.
3. Very bad for team chemistry - IF your wringer is an asshole he better be perfect. Baseball/Softball is a game of imperfection. Possible, but difficult, works better in a ghetto environment where anything goes.
2. Makes a mockery of the regular season. Why don't we just start the playoffs immediately. Fuck the schedule. Just sneak a slinger or stud on your roster. It's shows that human nature is corrupt.

and the #1 Things I FUCKING HATE about the word Qualify in Softball

1. Selfish HIRED GUN Mentality- Aren't you playing together? With you "Friends" Like the Black Eyed Peas song Where is the love???

Friday, October 5, 2007

The Blog is Back: The Collapse

After tending to some serious off the field issues last week, I'm back and before I get back to softball I would be remiss if I didn't Top Ten about the collapse of my beloved NY Mutts, I mean Mets

Top Ten Reasons the Mets Collapsed

10. Who fucking cares!!!!! Mets shot their load 21 years ago when Buckner misplayed that grounder "BEHIND THE BAG!!!!!" I love them, but they are cursed.
9. The Pitching - obvious
8. Willie Randolph planted by the Evil Empire as a double agent. He's a target for goon Met fans to blame and for blind Yankee fans to defend. Truth is his pitching gave out and he was helpless and ran into bad luck, almost like Ricky on Gallagher's Except Gallagher's made the playoffs
7. Omar Minaya - a spic run the team? Next year demoted to bar back in the diamond club.
6. Give goon Yankee fans a pleasant diversion from there team getting possibly getting swept in the playoffs. Arod fantasy player playoff ghost
5. Met pitchers not allowed to sling after MLB umps read
4. Reyes slump began after Mets 5th meringue night - too much Tony Rosario will do that
3. David Wright throws like Rick
2. Even with absolutely no pitching Philly was better

and the #1 Reason the Mets Collapsed

1. Curse of the ETS continues - Mets and Jet fans are destined to suffer

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Wasted Spirit

Yesterday I wrote a blog while I was angry and that was a mistake.

I was angry for a lot of reason - The Mets collapse, my job status, my condo, softball blah, blah.

There is no excuse. I was too harsh and I apologize.

What's done is done, as most lessons are learned the hard way so nothing to do now but move on and Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons You Shouldn't Blog when your mad

10. You say things you really mean, but they don't come out right and you look bad, even though your are 100% right. Sometimes you just got to take the higher road and stay quiet.
9. In the short term you feel better, but in the long term you feel worse .
8. Mad blogs SUCK!!!!!! Most non-mad blogs suck but blogs written when you are upset are generally worse.
7. There not funny. Blogging and softball should be fun, not angry and bitter.
6. Angry Softball Blogs are not witty and insightful. They are childish and goonish. Good writing Provokes Thought and Inspire People.
5. Mad blogs lead to fear, fear leads to anger, anger leads to pain, pain leads to suffering. Something Yoda said in Star Wars - nerdy but cool
4. Their Ugly!!!!!
3. They are bad for Citysoftball business
2. Angry Blogs are Wasted Spirit - nothing worse in life than wasted spirit

and the #1 Reasons You Shouldn't Blog when your mad

1.Angry blogs don't make you a better player. It doesn't help you hit, field, throw, score runs, or win games. That's why we play softball!!!!! All the other stuff is bullshit

Monday, September 24, 2007

Inwood Fall League Sexy and 17 POWER RANKINGS

My blogs usually end up with a Top Ten , but tonight I just got home from a pathetic Met 13-4 LOSS and I'm feeling like a want to write something extra to unleash some of the pain and cold loneliness that comes with your team slowly blowing away a big lead in their division.

There are 17 Teams in the Inwood Fall League this season so why not A Top 17 Power Ranking.

Inwood Top 17 Power Ranking

17. Legends - Great Guys but have gone multiple seasons without a win. Di dmake playoffs once.
16. Panthers - Dave and his crew are off to a slow start. What do you expect with Inwood legend Youseff on the disabled list. We miss you bro
15. Keenans - so far going to the bar is more fun than going to their games. But this is softball ans anything can happen and a win over Tread Bike shop this week might be what they need
14. Gator Club - great enthusiasm. Hey give these guys credit they are the first team consisting of players that live below 96th street to join our league
13. Bronx Tianos - at some point they have to play the Chelsea Tianos for exclusive naming and licensing privileges.
12. Cajita - Georgie's crew has potential now if they could only wake up on time for the 9am games.
11. Twins - lots of enthusiasm. Was that a Weechie sighting last week?
10. Tiainos - good young ball club with talent that will make noise in the playoffs, but didn't take enough players from 06' champ Knockout to contend quite yet
9. Tread Bike Shop? Who ae these guys? Is this West? Is this Knockout? They don't even know what to chant in the huddle. A lot of toys for John Albert to play with, but will he pick XBOX or will be pick Coleco vision from under the softball X-Mas Tree.
8. Dominican Power - a fucking disorganized mess and a headache. They can hit, and are very loose when the play. Big Upset of perennial Iwood powerhouse Highlanders gives them credibility.
7. Tigers - good team that just picked up ex-Knockout LCF Richie. Mega Hick Stud Roberto is dying to hit a homer on field 3.
6. Bizcocheros - came strong last week to split with the muscle bound Bonao Stars.
5. Bonao Stars - so far the class of the Dominican teams in the league. League will enforce HGH testing on half their roster though. Man these guys are big.
4. Hawksquad - gotta give these guys credit. They almost did not have a team b/c their ace pitcher was banned from the league. Instead of folding they regrouped and came out and flat out whipped Tread Bike Shop last week.
3. Phillies - Bronx Powerhouse got swept and upset by the Criminals last week
2. Highlanders - 5-1 and Dio Jackson hasn't even been there. Impressive. Speaking of Dio he doesn't read my Top Ten's anymore. Smart man.
1. Criminals - last year in the semi's, can the finals be a possibility in 07'? With roster bigger and tougher than the Iraqi army anything is possible!!!!


Sunday, September 23, 2007

Where is the Captain?

Has anyone seen the guy in the middle?

He's Johnny Castillo? The Captain of Knockout.

One of the Greatest and most talented players in all of softball.

But he hasn't been seen in Inwood all season.

Their are many theories as to where he is, but no one really knows.

Here are some rumors floating around.

Top Ten Reasons as to why Castillo has not shown up in Inwood yet in 2007

10. Lives in Brooklyn and plays co-ed with his girlfriend Palma (see below) - Inwood is too far

9. Unhappy about the merger with West and that captain C wasn't put on his Jersey
8. Classic Castillo Holdout Strategy - They only miss me when I'm gone
7. Enrolled in Witness Protection Program after losing semi-finals in big apple league - Rosenfishy wants him wacked
6. Retired from softball and now is struggling young artist in Brooklyn painting a Dominican version of the Mona Lisa he hopes to sell to Malecon Restaurant
5. Enrolled in Sunday ESL classes - Beisbol has been berry berry good to me
4. Goes to pickup in Central Park instead so he can torture Jimmy Bitros and his misfit band of insane asylum locos
3. Work on the NFL sidelines as a spy for Bill Belichick and the Patriots.
2. Mad at Rick for making fun of him in 2 summer softball blogs

and the #1 Reason why Castillo has not shown up in Inwood yet in 2007

1. No reason necessary. Castillo is just Castillo. but no matter of you love or hate him Inwood is not the same without him.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Furio was Tony Sopranos leg breaking money collecting muscle on the Sopranos ( See picture ).

In Inwood I'm Blonde's version of Furio.

I go around collecting league fees from customers.

I can be frequently quoted as saying "I want my fucking $$$"

Over the years I have encountered many delinquent accounts.

Here is my list of people who might end up swimming with the Softball fishes.

Top Ten Worse/Slow League Fee payers in Inwood

10. Dio Jackson - Highlanders, Dio is actually a good payer and a cornerstone franchise in the league. He only makes this list b/c he once handed me a 3rd party check from the EMS softball league that I could not cash until November 18 - after the season. Horrible.
9. Hawksquad - when I ask them for money they look at me like I'm a urologist about to stick mu finger up their ass.
8. Bonao Stars - New team. Loco style. Constant double talk. Can't believe a word they say
7. Bobby the ump from Fat Freddy's league in the Bronx - never had a team but back in 01' we had a tournament and he stiffed us $250. We only recovered half and he has been banned from Inwood ever since.
6. Choco - Reds/Canons. When confronted with late dues told me that he knew the law.
"If he couldn't get evicted from his apartment for 90 days then I couldn't throw him out of the league for 90 days."
5. Eddy from the Dirty Dozen - so freaking cheap. Cheapest owner ever in the league. Collecting from him was like getting a root canal from the dentist without Novocaine.
4. Bruckner Bulldogs - paid me $100 in singles in week 7 one year only after they made the playoffs. Ghetto
3. Knockout - hey that was my team?!?!? Collecting league fees. shirt, and ump money from these knuckleheads was like asking a fine girl to pick me up, pay for dinner, pay for the club, pay for drinks, and then later on that night to swallow. Not going to happen
2. Marquel - Dominican Power - Horrible. Beyond loco style. Has made me wait longer than anyone else. To be fair he has improved lately. Does get league respect for showing up to complete a suspended playoff game even though he trailed by an 8-0 score in the 6th.

and by far the #1 Worse/Slow League Fee payers in Inwood

1. Mitch from Chaos - team thankfully now defunct. Had teh nerve to say that I expolit his team. You name it this guy has done it.
Bounced checks.
Said he would meet me and then stood me up.
Made me delay/stop games to make him pay.
Constant phone calls.
I had to take timeout of my life on Friday nights to meet up with him in local bars to collect.
The irony is that he is a collection agent in real life.
I'm so happy he no longer has ateam in the league

Sunday, September 16, 2007

An Unlikely Road to the Championship

They had to forfeit the last week of the regular season b/c they didn't have enough guys.

They were a 5 seed.

There record was only 14-12.

During the playoffs they had guys missing due to other championships.

During the playoffs they had guys leave during games to go to work.

They lost the 1st game in every series only to win the nest two.

They had heart, experience, and despite to go along with talent.

A true champion.

They beat a valiant Diesel squad in round one in game three in extra innings.

They dealt with the Rosenfishy 3PM start controversy by going out and beating John Brown not once, but twice, and sent the evil empire Choice Parts home for the playoffs.

Inexplicably they got shutout in 9 innings in game one of the championship against Contact starter Matty. A pitcher that had no business shutting them down.

In game two, down 6-1 late in game three against the Borg, I mean Contact, they did indeed show that Resistance is not Futile, and rallied to win. A George Colon homer off of Fishman is still going. They never quit.

In game three, West built a 4-0 lead and softball warrior Murphy gave up only one cheap run forced by a dirty hands up slide by Mike Trenk. Softball gods got back at goonish contact by having having a bad runners interference call go against them. Contact, a truly great champion and dynasty, finally had calls go against them and started playing poorly by make bad decision on the bases and throwing the ball around. All good things must come to an end. At least in 07' anyway.

First year in the league and West is already a legend.

Having lost many a close one to them in Inwood.
I already knew that.
It took a merger of two really strong teams in Inwood to finally upset them in 2005.

Congrats to Billy Martin clone manager of the year John "Magneto" Sheppard and their hard nosed talent & resilient crew.

Well done.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Void

One of the big reasons why that has been so successful has been
the existence of the VOID. is arguably the best fall softball season in all of NYC.
The field is nice.
There is spirit.
There is competition.
Hell there is good food and liquor.
But what really makes the league work is that it is a fall league and time is running out on the 2007 Softball season.
Mother nature in the Northeast is a bitch and she shuts down Softball sometime in middle-late November (unless you play in the fall Yorkville league - that's a blog for another day).

Soon there will be NO SOFTBALL and the VOID will begin.

Hell most summer weekday leagues are done and only a few big time summer leagues like RedHook and Central Park are still going (Championships).

This was the first week ( Monday through Friday) since April that I did not have a game.

I felt the softball VOID.

What do I do with myself?

Spend time with my wife?
Go back to the gym?
Span the web for porn?

All very cool things to do, but nothing like playing softball.

The Void.

As John Castillo told me last night "No Tengo nada para hacer" ( I have nothing to do).

The weather is still good, but no games ... yet until fall leagues begin

The VOID!!!!!!!!!!

builds fever and anticipation for your next game.
You treasure every game b/c it might be your last for 4 1/2 months.

Respect the VOID!!!!!!!!!!!

A New Tree Grows in Inwood?

Last year a soap Opera team I played on called Knockout won the CitySoftball Fall League Championship up in Inwood Hill Park.This year we disbanded.
West a four time Inwood champion also disbanded this year.
Times be a changing. Goes to show there is very little loyalty in softball.
So the best thing to do was to make a new team.
Top Ten Things I noticed about our new team in Inwood
10.John "Magneto" Sheppard is the manager!!! How did the leader of the Evil mutants become my boss? Actually he is the right man for the job. Fair. Intense. Experienced. Organized. Uses his cell phone to call players at game time. Collects Money. If you thought Billy Martin, Gabe Paul, Steinbrenner, and Reggie had issues in the Bronx is Burning wait until you 
see Sheppard, Blonde, and Castillo this fall. 9. I looked around and only knew 4 names of people in the starting lineup.
8. Where was the Captain John Castillo? Gilberto filled the captain shoes for the day by leading the team and recruiting new players. Too bad he showed up like 1 hour late. Actually, a stud player showing up late was the only reminder of the 2006 Knockout squad I had all day.
7. Our name is Tread Bike Shop. Eh..? Huh? What? weird

6. No Mama-Juana on the bench - Harrow would be sad . Kabessa did represent with nature and Coors light.
5. Half the team was wearing West jersey's - Angelo, Andy, Geo, El Fumao - Identity crisis
4. At least 4 players on our team do not have a green card and cannot speak or read a word of English. We had Hicks everywhere.
3. We actually collected money for umps. Amazing
2. Chris Gubi, Jose, Harro , Jack - Knockout legends where no where to be found
And the #1 Reasons When I realized we have a new team in Inwood
1. The Tianos had more Knockout players on their team than I did on mine.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Humpty Dumpty

The Softball gods demanded a sacrifice yesterday and West delivered it by defeating a talented but shiestily managed Choice Parts squad yesterday in the Big Apple League.

A big controversy brewed around this series based on the ridiculous late starting time for a best of three series, 3PM on a late summer's day.

West lost the first game and battled back to win two extremely close and exciting games to propel themselves in to the finals. The final out was even recorded in a painful and controversial manner as the ump ruled runner's/batter's interference on a dribbler in front of the plate.

Hey softball is like the NFL, on Any Given Sunday anyone can win.
While an upset, West victory came as no surprise to the insider b/c this is a talented and close knit team has been laying in the weeds all year waiting for this opportunity.

Congrats and Kudos to them

As for the loaded and talented Choice Parts team, I respect them but I obviously have no love for the Evil Empire. The DeathStar has been destryed in 2007. They have some of the most talented and best players in all of the game in Vic, Eric, Mikey, Castillo, Kip and both Brown brother's. They will be back in 08' probably stronger than ever, but 07's is over. Their 2007 best record and season has been broken in more pieces than Humpty Dumpty.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall;
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses
And all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

Humpty Dumpty
Sentado en un muro.
Humpty Dumpty
Se ha caído muy duro.
Todos los caballeros
Y jinetes del rey,
Fueron a levantarlo
Y no pudieron con él.

Thursday, September 6, 2007


It's the most beautiful time of the Central Park softball year - The Big Apple Softball League Final Four weekend!!!!!!!! HOLLER!!!!!

Too bad I won't be there b/c my team got bumped, but while I'll be in the Meadowlands screaming like crazy for my J-E-T-S!!!! to upset the Patriots, other less notable upsets in the softball world might take place at Hecksher Central Park.

Let's look ahead and see what the insider thinks are the keys to each game.

Working Cedric's, I uh mean Class, vs. Contact - arguably the premier match up of the entire playoffs. This will be a great series. I have friends on both sides and anyone can win. But that's no fun to wrote so let's get into some meaningless analysis by paralysis.

The game is properly starting at 1pm, just in case it goes three - unlike the Evil Empire vs. West game ( message!! )

The prevailing question is can One stud, albeit slinging, pitcher hold down an army of players infatuated with working the count and grinding out a victory.

History tells us NO as Contact has eliminated John Brown in stunning fashion in 3 consecutive seasons.

So Cedric needs help. Will he get it? Perhaps let's see

Working Class Keys to Victory

(1) Get Cedric there on time - or at least delay for him to get there - rumor has it he won't start game one - that's a mistake. Bob is crafty and a warrior but he is clearly their #2 starter
(2) Hit with men on bases. Against Gallagher's, Working class struggled mightily in this area - Contact's pitching is average. Working class will have there chances - can they cash them in? That depends on #3
(3) Working Class's Top of the Lineup must produce - when Chucky and Mark hit they score - If not it could be long frustrating double play afternoon
. The middle and bottom of Working Class lineup is solid and will do OK but they will only win if the top four hit. If they struggle runs will be impossible to come by against the softball version of the Borg, Contact
(4) Base running. Against Gallagher's Working Class had numerous guys thrown out all over the field. Contact throws behind runners constantly, picks guys off (including embarrassingly me at 3rd with 1 out), and never experiences a Kodak moment - they don't stand around and watch - they exploit runners who are not alert. Working Class need to have good coaching on the bases.

(1) HIT!!!!!!!!!!! - If they get to 5 runs in any game they will win - their defense is that good
(2) Defense - duh - just be Contact
(3) Jack Steinman - notorious clutch hitter - If I was managing I could I would try to pitch around him in key spots. Plus he reads this so I will throw his name in this analysis. If he loses at least he will be at Inwood one week earlier this fall.
(4) Taking pitches - Will this be the week they take too many pitches?

Prediction : Game One starts at 1:20 after Mark and Marty delay start for Cedric and between the intense play and Marc and Marty arguing with the umps all day Game Three ends at 7PM.

Game One Contact 3-2. - Underrated Matty on Contact wins pitcher duel

Game Two - There is no Tomorrow - Cedric throws again as Marty/Mark are forced to pass on Bob. Actually that's probably why they are considering not starting Bob in game one - to avoid pitching Cedric in three straight games and at the same time not diss steady and reliable Bob. Anyway, I say Working Class wins 6-1. Cedric beats Fishman, Fishman removed by Patty in the 4th inning for the slinger with the funny socks b/c Patty found out that Showtime has just fired Fishman b/c he looks too much like horrible boxing analyst Larry Merchant.

Game Three - A classic. EL Pitcher de Wa Wa, Cedric, throws again - 3 games in one day for Cedric takes his toll (yeah right) as he allows like 2 hits in game three - all to Steinman - Contact wins as Jack slaps game winning single past Mark at SS who strains a disc in his lower back reaching for the shot. Marty and Mark ejected for arguing with the umpire about why the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.

Speaking of West.....

In the other Semi-Final Match up

West vs. the Wait for Brown Parts at 3PM (nice start time for a 3 game series - I know it's overkill but hey why not)

Choice Parts Key
(1) Brown does not get mugged, hurt, or worn out in the morning while pitching in Red Hook Brooklyn for Clemente
(2) Rosenmiiler manipulates rules and umps to his advantage - will happen at one point
(3) CASTILLO - POWER ON? POWER OFF? - against old nemesis West the POWER WILL BE ON MAXIMUM
(4) The other Brown - Eddie Brown is a stud hitter with power to all fields - very important hitter in the Parts lineup

West Keys
(1) Murphy - say what you want but he is a playoff pitcher and winner - He will show up now that hi sbronx playoffs are over. He needs to lock down Vic - if he is on base for Castillo, Kip and Brown that's bad news
(2) Kill sidearm Doc - winning the non-John Brown pitched game is crucial. Castillo will only pitcher on parts in case of an emergency.
(3) Defense - That's how Contact beats fly ball hitting parts. Hector, Dino, and crew need to have big games
(4) Fuck it hit John Brown - they have too - if not it's Inwood on Sept 16th - oh my bad maybe game three will be that day

(5) Will Carlos Con pitch sling? Probably not, but it is an option and a weapon against Brown's slinging


Game One - Prideful West players like Colon. Meyers, and Angelo will not simply give up or in to Parts - I see a 4-2 Parts win in the opener with Murphy threatening to kill an ump. You will know if West i sdone if you see GEorge Colon not run out grounders or fly outs.

Game Two - With the skies darkening West hangs in long enough as the bats wake up to post a wild 9-8 win. Last out recorded on a controversial trap catch that no one could see in the darkness.

Game Three - not started Rick writes another obnoxious blog

Good Luck everyone

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Anonymous Classic

The strong reaction to my "Late start West vs. Choice Parts" has been overwhelming.
Thank you and keep them coming.
A few Choice parts players who have read the blog have complained that the comments are bitter and hidden behind an Anonymous" name. They argue that if people are going to speak up they should not be afraid to place their name by their words. There is validity to that argument. But I'm way ahead of that arguemnet b/c back in June under my "Doubleheader" blog I addressed the Anonymous reader comment.

So read below on the Classic Softballinsider blog below

June 2007

My most loyal reader is someone with the unique name of Anonymous.

Mr. /Mrs. Anonymous always has something to say, and most of time the feedback is witty, on point, and original. But why doesn't Mr/Mrs Anonymous come honest and list their real name?

I know why

Top Ten Reasons Why people make Anonymous comments to Softball

10. They don't want anyone to know that they actually read Rick's blog and fear public humiliation if identified
9. Scared of having their identity stolen on the web and used in a card card commercial
8. Too Scared to list their name for fear Rick might write a blog about them
7. They are killing time at work and don't want their Boss to know they are goofing off so they leave no name to reduce the evidence.
6. The person leaving the comment plays for Rick and wants to avoid being benched
5. Why sign a name when everyone knows only Blonde, Astrid (my wife), Evil Palma and John Castillo are the only ones who read my blogs anyway - process of elimination will find the person out - no need to sign
4. Anonymous is in one of Rick's fantasy league competitors and doesn't want Rick upset because he is hoping to get Prince Fielder cheap in a trade
3. They are high when they write a comment and just forget to sign their name
2. Their freaky like that - they even have their lovers call them Anonymous in Bed

and the Number One Why people make Anonymous comments to Softball

1. Who cares !?!?!? Most of time any comment is a good comment because it means people actually read this stuff - HOLLER!!!!!!!!! Extra
P.S. The only way to change things is to speak up and be honest. The Late Start Blog was a sensitive issue b/c it challenged the establishment by provoking thought and fair play. Anything that inspires people to work together and get things done right can't be that bad - even Anonymous comments.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Panic Room

I'm in a best of five championship with my job Merrill Lynch against Morgan Stanley in the Wall Street league out in Red Hook. This is a long series for softball, most softball playoffs are usually only 2 out of 3 on the same day. We won game one, but we got totally outplayed in game two and now I sense a bit of Panic.

Panic Room was a horrible movie starring Jodie Foster and going into the Panic Room to press the Panic Button in softball is even uglier.

Top Ten Reasons You Know your team is panicking

10. BLAME BLAME BLAME!!!!! - you do more Finger pointing and 2nd guessing than running, hitting, catching, and throwing
9. You start thinking about losing instead of how to win
8. You worry too much about how good they are, instead of remembering to do the things that got you there - You forget that your good too - Lack of Confidence
7. The other team talking trash and heckling is starting to get to you
6. You make too many changes trying to cover up one hole that you open up another -
5. You feel nervous on the field - you expect the bad to happen
4. You make more Excuses for poor play than Lindsey Lohan does for falling off the wagon
3. You feel like you have to out slug your opponent all at once instead of being patient
2. On Merrill Lynch I know when we are panicking when Willie J starts going postal criticizing everyone, gets major mood swings, and warms up in the bullpen for 2 hours even though he has pitched like 7 innings all year

and the #1 Reason You Know your team is panicking
1. You've done it before


I've written a lot of blogs and a lot of bullshit but the feed back about on my last blog was classic so much so that I will post it as a blog in and of itself to further expose Rosenfishy as the manipulative evil Sith softball lord that he is - he is problem #1 in the Big Apple league - too bad great fields and good players are cheated b/c of him

Anyway, enjoy the comments .. you guys are awesome

"LATE START - something smells Rosenfishy" -

9 Comments - Show Original Post Collapse comments

Anonymous said...

I laughed my ass off when i saw the late start. It goes to show, John Brown is the whole team. The guy is a great pitcher. If it was a single game, id say 100% i agree with getting whatever they want. However, being that its a 2 out of 3 series have some faith in the rest of the team. 3pm is to late, 2pm is a better compromise because of daylight, if it goes 3 games. If we go 2 games and then have to come back another week then they will have Brown again. Teams play without their ACE SP and won, lets see CP try it. I dont think they can win without him so what the hell, go for whatever advantage you can if you have a choice. They wont impress me if they win. You think any team Brown plays with wins without him? Thats why leagues need to change or enforce PITCHING RULES!!! Thats why ill always root for the UNDERDOGS!!

August 27, 2007 10:17 PM

Anonymous said...

You are sooooooooooo right. Anything to finally beat us or, if they get their wish, WC. He's all about BS and now he's showing his true colors which everybody already knew about anyway. SAD!!! How is the league letting him get away with it? He has more power than the commissioner?


August 28, 2007 5:42 AM

Anonymous said...

Best of 3 playoff series start at 3pm? Completely ridiculous!!!. This league has been exposed this year as a joke. The scheduling was ridiculous, most of the umps are bad/indifferent, some rules are unfair and dumb, the pitching guidelines are non-existent (slingers roam free). Only 2 good things in the Big Aple league: the fields, and for the most part, the players. All else needs an overhaul and it should start the top with the commissioner.

August 28, 2007 6:47 AM

Anonymous said...

Why dont they just list start time as TBA-WBS. To Be Announced When Brown Shows. I would respect that because your up front. We all know other teams dont want to face Brown, thats no secret. I heard at a meeting John Rosenfishy voted to have Brown not in league until he was reported to join CP, then his integrity went out the window.HaHa. Lets hope it starts at 3pm on the dot, no 15 minute forfeit time or batting practice BS. Have some real umps with guts to call illegal pitches, wishfull thinking on my part.

August 28, 2007 10:27 AM

Anonymous said...

If the Bombers or Excelsior.... two teams with only 3 wins each.... had John Brown as one of their pitchers, they would probably make the finals or win the championship. All they would have to do is score one or maybe two runs.

Maybe we should think about making the league a true modified league next year. The games would be more exciting and the fielders would have something to do.

August 28, 2007 10:49 AM

John Albert said...

As manager of West, I totally agree with some of the comments made here.
1.Umps are pretty bad, please have 4 best umps on the 9th, please.
2.Only reason we are starting at 3PM is because of John Brown.
3.CP's Doc has been there all year and they have won, but obviously he is not trusted enough to win for his team. John C. should also take this as a slap in the face.
4.But on the other hand when you are in 1st, it's you're perogative!
5.The only thing that really bothers me about this is having to possibly play 4 games on Championship Day. This is BULLSHIT!
You're tired after 2 or 3 games, but 4, GARBAGE!

August 28, 2007 11:31 AM

Johnny said...

Lets make this a lob ball league next seaso? the bombers in the chip? maybe? Rick you lost to Cedrick not Brown....

August 28, 2007 12:46 PM

Anonymous said...

Doc and JC are used to being bitch-slapped. Why dont they just stay home, even if they win how could they celebrate as a "team". Id feel like a used piece of meat. Their teammates wont even thank them for getting the choice to decide when they play since they won 1st place. I guess you could look at it like that, Doc and JC did their job by getting them to 1st place so they could decide when and where to play. Im shocked we arent playing in Red Hook. Who knows, we have 2 weeks to see whatelse is up JR's sleeve. Maybe CP is spraying the fields or the drainage pipes are sticking out of the grass so the games have to be moved!haha

August 28, 2007 7:41 PM

rosemiller serves fatboy donutsis that a crime? said...

yeah you are all so right- john brown has all the wins this season and choice parts sucks with out him-i mean no defence -no hitters- its all about the illegal pitching.....NOT... you whiney scared bitches just face it choice parts is going to sweep the fields with red mesh jerseys when this season is over.

August 28, 2007 8:17 PM