Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Trading Deadline

July 31st is the Trading deadline - the last day players from an MLB team can be dealt from one team to another.
In softball players are rarely if ever traded, but if they were what would be some interesting trades:
Top Ten Softball Trades that might be made
10. Cedric traded by Bob - never - Bob would trade Cedric for …..
9. John Brown traded by Choice Parts - never Rosenmiller would rather be castrated than lose his slinger up his sleeve
8. RR - name the team - Gallagher's Cardinals, Lawertime - they would dump Rick for a bag of used clinchers softballs
7. Edgar Gonzalez Jr for West for Gilberto - Edgar Jr is like a brother to these guys - In the old days this blockbuster would never happen but now a days, I'm not so sure -
6. Gubi for John Castillo - Love-Hate Relationship between these two makes this an interesting and potentially very funny trade.
5. Loafers trade Castillo for David Ortiz, Manny Rameriz and Derek Jeter - Never - Loafers are one of the few teams where John can do nothing wrong

4. Jimmy Bitros trades Vladimir - In a minute - Only thing saving kuku Vlad is that Jimmy can't pith every game anymore
3. Freddy Suarez for Fran - stud pitchers traded for one another - Freddy would block this trade if he wasn't promised free Coors light every weeekend
2. Rick trades Jose Carrion for someone with a brain and half the talent - The bog winner in this deal would be all the girls Jose wouldn't harass while riding in Rick's car

And the Number One Softball Trades that might be made
1. Dio Jackson trades West players - Never!! Never!!!! Never!!!!! West Lover!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Heart-Break Hotel Douple Dip

In baseball/softball, a Heart-Breaker is close game that you lose in some painful fashion.

Top Ten Painful Ways to Lose a Heart-Breaker

10. Physical Error - Who can ever forget the ground ball that went through Bill Buckner's legs in the 86' Series? All Heart Breaking losses suck but those caused by physical errors are a little less painful b/c they happen to everyone.

9. Walk Off Home Run - The other team hits a walk off homer - These are more shocking than anything - the game is just over - Very dramatic and memorable

8. Managerial Blunder - Nothing like intentionally walking someone to face the next batter who then hits the game winning triple. I did it recently - makes you feel fucking miserable

7. Base Running Blunder - this is basically a gift you give to the other team like getting thrown at at 3rd with no outs or 2 outs, missing bases, not listening to coaches - leaves you feeling sick to your stomach. Good 3rd base and 1st base coaching is very underrated in softball

6. Great Catch by the other team - Only bright side is at least you don't have to see it on Softball Tonight b/c ESPN doesn't cover Modified Male Softball

5. Lack of Offense against a bum pitcher - It's one thing to lose to a stud pitcher but not scoring against a bum is the male equivalent of impotence

4. Ex-Teammate plays significant role against you - It's like have an ex-girlfriend make out with her new man in front of you

3. Mental Error - you forget how many out there are, forget the score, throw to the wrong base - It's like failing a class in high school and having to go to summer school

2. Losing in the last inning - Blowing a lead in the 7th (softball) or 9th baseball is like an accident that you never saw coming.

And the #1 Painful Way to Lose a Heart-Breaker

1. Bad Ump Call - "We wuz robbed" Missed safe/out call, pitcher squeezed by ump, etc/ - Nothing more frustrating - leaves you feeling angry and helpless - you feel like A VICTIM - VIOLATED

Losing hurts more than winning feels good so a Heart-Break Loss deserves a Top Ten Doubleheader

Top Ten Ways Softball Heart-Break is like getting dumped by someone you really cared about

10. Both are painful and memorable - Misery loves company in both
9. Liquor is one of the best ways to forget both
8. Both leave you lacking confidence - The only way to get your softball confidence back to to go and beat another team while in life the best way to get over your significant other is have cheap meaningless sex with someone else
7. Both leave you asking why me?
6. Letting go and moving on is hard in both instances
5. You put everything you had into both only to lose in the end
4. In softball the person who wins the game has the power. In life the person doing the dumping has the power.
3. When you lose in the softball playoffs you don't get to play anymore. When you get dumped you don't get to have sex anymore. Therefore, both leave you lonely and spanning the web for porn. Masturbation results
2. Plenty of blame to go around in both

and the #1 Way Softball Heart-Break is like getting dumped by someone you really cared about

1. If you learn from both you be a better person and player in the end. If not, you will be doomed to commit the same mistakes and errors over and over again. Softball and life is what you make it.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Insider Info from an Insider

My last blog was about a managing decision I faced with runners on 2nd and 3rd and two outs. The next two batters were about equal and I choose the wrong batter.

One of the players in the game ( a good smart player) wrote me the following:

"Let me tell you what i would have done, its the same thing as walking the guy. Tell your pitcher to just throw as fast as he can and to keep it away from plate, maybe the batter is stupid enough to swing but if he cant throw fast then your up shits creek,haha I love pitching with first base open because i feel i can invent pitches and really throw fast because if i walk him it doesn't hurt. I have more trouble with man on 1st and 2nd then i do with 2nd and 3rd, its a mental thing where i feel i have a safety net since 1st base is open, so a walk doesn't hurt me."

This shows you that good players are always thinking and how mental the game is - good nerd stuff.

Taking the Heat

I made a managing move against West the other day that cost us a game.

With the scored tied in the 8th inning West had runners on 2nd and 3rd with two outs in the top of the 8th.

I had 2 choices - pitch to the batter at the plate who was a scrappy line drive hitter or pitch to the old school batter on deck, Wolfie, who can hit but is a pull hitter with power who had been inconsistent all day and had caught 2 games. I choose to walk the bases loaded b/c he was a slow runner, it set up the force at all the bases, and I was 100% confident that my pitcher could throw strikes. Needless to say Wolfie burned me by blasting a massive bases clearing triple to basically win the game.

Se La Vie.

Of course I could point to about 5 or 6 plays or non plays before that that were equally critical but what it all comes down to is I made a hard decision that turned out wrong.

It happens to all managers and it sucks (just like managing).

But if you want to be a good manager you have to be able to take the heat.

Their is an old Cuban expression "Todo los dias no son dias de fiesta" - "Not every day is a day to party".

No one is going to feel sorry for you - gotta live and learn.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

8 Men Out

One of the best sports movies of all time was 8 Man Out - The story of how the
Chicago White Sox fixed the 1918 World Series.

Well last night I was involved in a different kind of 8 men out - I played in a softball game where we only had 8 guys.

We were supposed to have 10, but John Castillo flaked out again (thanks John) and that got us down to nine guys. Now unless you have the right combination of pitchers and players playing a softball game with 9 guys (it's a 10 man game) is usually very difficult. My team, The Loafers, is solid and smart, but we aren't exactly the 1998 Yankees. In other words, we had our work cut out for us playing shorthanded.

But just when things were bad they got worse, our pitcher Vic during warm ups completely threw out his back. He was done. He had to lay on the artificial turf on Houston street like a beached whale for the rest of the night. Another dog down, that left us with 8 and by this leagues (Yorkville) rules we could play with eight guys (Yorkville sucks by the way).

I was expecting us to get mercied, but a funny thing happened along the way to an ass whipping- We Won!!!!!!!!

How the hell do you win a game while having only 8 guys ( I actually did it once before), well that's a top ten of course.

How to Win a game when your team was only 8 Guys

10. Luck - Softball gods have to be on your side
9. The other team sucks
8. The other teams pitcher sucks
7. If you have good hitters then an 8 man lineup gets your hitters up virtually every inning - In other words less is more - You are constantly threatening to score
6. You need a stud shortstop - Out SS Nick - won the game by himself - he played like 4 positions - SS, 2B, LF, 3B - he recorded like 85% of the outs
5. You need a good and smart pitcher - Our guy, I forget his name, threw strikes and pitched to his defense
4. The other team was so fucking stupid they never tried to exploit our missing defender - I guess honorable but stupid
3. Skill - make all the plays - and we did until a little scare in the 7th - but we hung on.
2. Medical Staff - during the game my contact lenses got all messed up b/c of the humidity and I over lubricated them with re wetting drops. In other words I couldn't see - so my team mate gave me a contact lenses blow job - He blew air into my eye so they could dry. I know this sounds weird but it worked and I played well afterwards - memorable stuff

and the Number One Wat to Win a game when your team was only 8 Guys

1. Team Work - we played unselfishly and with heart - we were running all over the place, OF 's running in to cover bases, the pitcher covering 1B and 2B, and like I said before, Nick the SS, was a one man defensive machine - he played like a stud adn carried us

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Back from Vacation: When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong

To the happiness of everyone I've been Willie Nelson RR "On the Road Again" lately so I haven't had much time to write about much less play softball lately.

They say absence makes the heart grows fonder and in softball that is very true.I miss the game and all the insanity that surounds it. In fcat I feel a bit reengergized and enthusiastic about teh second half. But I am not naive to the pitfalls of softball, and an old Dave Chappelle skit called "When keeping it real goes wrong" comes to mind when I think about Softball.


Top Ten ways "When Keeping it Real goes wrong"

q0. *lying

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong

To the happiness of everyone I've been Willie Nelson R "On the Road Again" lately so I haven't had much time to write about, much less play softball lately.

They say absence makes the heart grows fonder and in softball that is very true.
I miss the game and all the insanity that surrounds it.
In fact I fell re-energized and enthusiastic about the second half.
But I am not naive to the pitfalls of softball, and an old Dave Chappelle skit called "When keeping it real goes wrong" comes to mind when I think about Softball.


Top Ten ways "When Keeping it Real goes wrong" in Softball

10. Playing Pickup in Central Park with Los Locos - These guys are indescribable. When one dog barks they all bark. If you umpire in one of those games your safer going to some red neck KKK town and letting them hunt and chase you in the woods at night. Basically, they have no respect for the game, the rules, the park, and sadly each other.
9. Managing - You can only make 90% of the people happy 10% of the time. Lineups, positions, pitching changes, emails, collecting money face it - the more honest you are the more people use it against you.
8. Recruiting Stud players - you can treat them like Victoria Secret Goddesses and still get shitted on. They are like the fine girl you really liked and the nicer you treated her the more she teased you and dumped you until she eventually broke your heart and fucked some other asshole.
7. Explaining illegal pitching rules to umpires - You know the rules, I know the rules, the other team knows the rule, The pitcher on the other team knows the rule, Everyone knows the rules except the Ump. But god forbid you try and explain the rule to the ump. They don't wan to hear it and then they say something foul to you like "Be a man and hit the ball"
6. Commissioner of a Softball League - Their is one golden rule in every league -whenever something goes wrong BLAME THE COMMISSIONER!! I've known commissioners with the noblest of intentions who keep it real and stuff backfires on them - tough job
5. Umpire - hard job - only 50% of the people are happy. I truly hate arguing and blaming umpires. It's usually a waste of time. The worse umps are the ones who refuse to work as a team with their partners to get the rules right and control the game.
4. Hitting - When you unselfishly try and advance runners by hitting the ball the other way but something goes wrong like the other team makes a great play or you hit into a double play. You did everything right and you still failed, classic when keeping it real goes wrong.
3. Aggressive Base running - you look great if you make but incredibly stupid if your thrown out and kill a rally - baserunning is the #1 thing that slides under the radar and costs you games in softball.
2. Analysis by Paralysis - you think and talk too much - just play the game

and the Number One Way "When Keeping it Real goes wrong" in Softball

1. Wanting to Win - every manager faces the dilemma of sneaking a stud player on your roster who usually doesn't show up but you know is a difference maker. So it's the playoffs your stud player shows up and incredibly he sucks or chokes. The "going wrong" ripple effect hits you like a Tsunami - You lose, the stud player is mad, the loyal player you benched quits, everyone blames you, softball misery to the fullest