Thursday, July 31, 2014

Last SB Ride

"Cause after all the glitz and the glam no more fans that are calling your name
Cameras are off, sad but it happens to all of them,.....
But as you gather up all your possessions, If there's anything you have left to say Unless it makes an impact don't bother, 
Behold the final chapter in the saga, 

Trying to recapture that lightning trapped in a bottle, 
Tragic portrait of an artist tortured, Trapped in his own drawings
Tap into thoughts, Blacker and darker than anything imaginable"
....Eminem Bad Guy Marshal Mathers LP II

Recently legendary Softball Manager Dio Jackson

announced the following 

"Fellas I just wanted to to let you know that after much contemplation n discussions w/ Trish...this will be my last ride. Thank you to all who have been there for the team. Your time, commitment and loyalty is greatly appreciated. This is not easy for me. As you know softball is part of my well being but it's time to let it go. All I ask is that we finish this thing off strong. If that's not good enough so be it. At least I'll walk away knowing we gave it our best shot. Some of you may not believe or accept this text but I'm serious. This is it. Thank you for being a Highlander! See you next week...we still have some unfinished business!"

Insider Analysis:
He means it.

GrandPa Dio

Dio has been fed up for softball for a while. He had it with:
  • The Time commitment
  • Paying Players or players demanding annoying stuff/treatment
  • The Cost
  • Inconvenience
  • The state of the game - sling, politics, uneven competition
He will probably only do tournaments, a traveling game, or a Charity event going forward. Just short term commitment stuff, but he's done with running teams during a long season.

It's the Right time for him. Good Call.  

Good Luck Brother

So Dio's retirement got me to thinking about the right situations for a player to retire. 

Let's Explore ....  Top Ten Reasons to go on your "Last Ride" in Softball

10. Managerial Conflicts  - This will be my last ride with Candela on Saturday's. Off the field Gil is cool, 

but Saturday's have been torture in 2014. Great Player. Terrible Manager. 

I am just gonna tune him out the rest of the way and play ball. I refuse to make excuses anymore because of him. Let's finish up this last ride in the BX.

9. Family Commitments - duh

7. Work - duh #2

6. Leaving on a High Note - Lou 22 always told me it's best to leave on Top. He's right

5. Not being able to run to 1st base - I mean it doesn't matter how slow you are. If you can't at least run to first it's time to swipe your softball Metro card one last time.

4. Convenience - If it's is just too hard to get to the game it's time for your last ride . 

3.  If your only in the lineup on Reputation, Legacy status, or because you paid for the team -  it's time to wrap it up.

2. Improvement - If you don't think you can get better or more importantly if you don't want to play better. Then retire.

and the #1 reason to go on your "Last Ride" in Softball

1.  Real World Escape - Within reason when your at a game you should be totally into the game, the experience, the competition, the challenge, the atmosphere. If you can take it or leave it. Then leave it. 

If you don't feel alive out there, even through the bad times, then your just going through the motions. 

Last Ride is Needed.

P.S. I wish I could Blog everyday. Not ready to retire yet. Been too few blogs the last 2 years.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Burning the Candela at Both Ends

I used to love playing Softball on Saturday's on Noble Avenue in the Bronx. It was my one day to be A96 street Hispanic

On the way to winning a hard fought 2012 championship we were talented, unselfish, resourceful, and gritty.

But in softball that was a long time ago.Candela is now a shell of its former self

after last week's double forfeit loss.

We are disgraced,

shattered, and in shambles. Saturday softball sucks again. It's empty and a chore.

Whose fault is it? Simple: My Boy Gil Gonzalez.

I saw this coming since March. He loves this team, but his quest for control, poor judgement of talent/character, and horrible management/people skills have almost certainly doomed the season.

As an aside, Choice Parts decided not to recruit him this year - good call.

Going Forward Insider Opinon:

Due to a previous commitment I cannot make this week. I haven't missed a week yet, and they will miss me today as they need every warm body they can get. Honestly, there is talent but no desire, no leadership, no love. I will be very surprised if Gil makes this right. He's a great player who is just not wired to manage.

I won't quit , but a week I deserve a week away from this mess. Even my softball whore tolerance has limits.

Monday, July 14, 2014

SB/A96 Zimbio

If you haven't taken a Zimbio test at by now I suggest you do so. It's half psychological profile and half personality as you just answer a series of questions about yourself and your are matched up with your favorite celebrity, TV show, Movie, Music, Comic book, etc.

Some of my favorites Zimbio quizzes are :

Which Game of Thrones Character are You - Daenerys. That's Hot she's the Mother of Dragons.

I'm the Father of Dragons.

Which Xmen are You - Wolverine - duhh

Which Avenger Are you? - Captain America!!!!! Avengers Assemble Bitch
Which Star Trek Character are You? Q - only hardcore fans would understand
Which Modern Family Character Are you - "Jay" - Al Bundy of Softball (future blog)
What Star Wars Character are You? - Darth Vadar - "There Still is Good in Me"
Who's Your Celebrity Girlfriend .. uhhh.. too much information, plus Astrid might be reading
Which Sopranos Character Are you? - Tony Soprano of course

I love this nerd shit. It's fun. Sometimes even deep and I see no reason why can't softball have a Zimbio Test?

Top Ten Softball Zimbio Tests

10. Which Team do you belong on? Options are

  • Choice Parts
  • Inwood Legends
  • Highlanders
  • Coed Generic Yorkville Corporate Team

9. Are you softball whore? Final Answers are

  • Yes
  • No
  • Only when drunk, high, or team fully sponsored

8. Do you belong in a Above or Below 96th Street softball league? - Key Questions:

  • Do you speak English? 
  • Do you have a 401k account?
  • Do you read the NY Times?
  • Do you play Lotto?

7. Who is your favorite umpire? Choices:

  •  Butchy
  • OJ
  • Little Lootch
  • Mr Johnson
  • They all Suck

6. Which Softball Bat are you? Final Answers :

  • Miken
  • Demarini
  • Worth
  • Louisville Slugger
  • Most expensive bat I didn't pay for

5. Which field is best for you?

  • Any field
  • 28th Street
  • 54th Street
  • Central Park
  • Inwood

4. Are you a good manager? Results would be:

  • Yes,
  • No
  • Sometimes
  • Fuck you I paid for the team

3. Which Celebrity would fit best on your team?

  • Lindsay Lohan
  • Madonna
  • Cast of Friends reunion
  • George Clooney
  • Eminem
  • Barack Obama

2.Softball Recruiting Ethics: Key Question: Do you flat out bullshit to get what you want?

and the Number One Softball Zimbio Quiz:

1. Are you a True Hardcore player: Key Questions:

  • When you miss a game does it hurt?
  • When your done playing and it's still nice out do you wish you were still playing.
  • You would run through fire to make a  play or get to a game.

Special Insider Bonus from Guest Writer Astrid Olimpiew

Last week I took a biased Below 96th street NYC quiz at where I scored a 83% New York. that's bullshit.

Well in response to this B96 test, my wife developed the following A96 quiz (enjoy).

1) What does A96 stand for?
    a) Name of ritzy restaurant
    b) code for cops
    c) Name of roadway
    d) above 96th street
2) What is a bodega?
    a) a nightclub
    b) a retail store
    c) an overpriced convenient store
    d) a liquor store
3) What items below may you find in a bodega?
    a) El presidente beer
    b) Dulce de leche ice cream
    c) pork rinds
    d) weed
    e) all of the above
4) Do you yield for pedestrians when driving a car?
    a) Always
    b) Depends on whether they have the right of way
    c) No, I have insurance
    d) Sometimes
5) Where do you go to fill up your gas tank?
    a) The nearest gas station
    b) Across the bridge in New Jersey
    c) In New York state outside of city limits
    d) the cheapest station in NYC
6) What is the official language of Washington Heights?
    a) Spanish
    b) English
    c) Hebrew
    d) Dominican
7) What color is a taxi?
    a) black
    b) Yellow
    c) Pink
    d) Green
8) What is the typical wait time for service at a restaurant in your neighborhood?
   a) 30 minutes
   b) More than one hour
   c) Less than 30 minutes, service is fast!
   d) what service?
9) How do kids cool off during a hot summer day?
    a) Pool
    b) Take a shower
    c) Fire hydrant
    d) Lake
10) Where do people in your neighborhood grill?
    a) At a park
    b) On the sidewalk
    c) In their backyard
    d) On the balcony
Bonus question:
11) What is the Great White Barrier?
    a) An area in the barrier reef frequented by Great white sharks
   b) An instrument designed to reduce white noise
   c) A white wall designed to reduce noise pollution erected by neighborhoods next to highways
   d) An imaginary barrier separating Uptown from the lower side of Manhattan

Friday, July 4, 2014

Bad Call

The rumor has been confirmed :

"The Parks Dept and Conservancy are closing down all of Central Park fields from Sept 1 "

This is horrible. 

Terrible decision.

I need help, but will challenge.

It's not over yet. 

Fuck the Man. So unfair.


Happy July 4th!!!!!!

Time for some Fireworks!!!!!!!!!.

When I was growing up the 4th of July was the deadliest A96 day of the year. In a word it was

As after dark everyone ignited fireworks and it became a war zone.

Nowadays "acquiring" fireworks is illegal

but possible and what if your an average B96 type of person

 and want to "find" some Fireworks you should ask yourself who in the softball community can help me acquire some stuff

Let's Explore

Top Ten Softball Community Sources to help you find some Fireworks

10. Rick - old days yes. Now No. Original Washington Heights pyromaniac until mom bitch slapped me in front of friends and that was over.

9. Bandanna Man - maybe he brought some from California?

Nah too busy betting on Legends to win NY Fast pitch league now that they have Lou 22

8. Jimmy Bitros -

Maybe - Tough hood on upper east side Park Avenue gives him access. Dangerous neighborhood though sp be careful.

7. Guby - duhhhhh - no explanation necessary

6. Fat Freddy - The Bronx could be a good place to go and "find" some Fireworks how about looking up Bronx Stars Softball  commissioner "Fat" Freddy Gonzalez

"Nothing to see here people nothing  to see"

5. Bob - a lot of shiesty stuff happens in Staten Island maybe Bob can help you

If anything goes wrong Bob will probably responds "the Computer makes the schedule" and the cops will let you off.

4. Richie "No Show" Christy - another Staten Island connection

Not reliable - he won't show up for the drop off anyway

3. Charlie "Champ" Bailey - original Washington heights original

Anyone who umps pickup knows how to live dangerously

2. John Sheppard - Hell's Kitchen

Nah John is retired now. Too busy watching the world cup and enjoying life.

and the Number One Softball Player to help you find some fireworks

1. Mickey Peckins - Obvious.

Probably driving back up from North Carolina Now

Be Safe Everyone.

Short Stint on the DL...whew

Last week Astrid was on the disabled list as she was rushed to the hospital.  As the famous wise life and softball philosopher/savant Jose Carrion once told me

 "Your Life Can Change in a Minute" and it did.

It was scary at first, but thankfully she had her gall bladder taken out and came through like a champ.

Making things extra hard was that last Saturday was the baptism and belated late birthday party for double trouble and at mommies request..check that Mommy insisted!!!!!!!! ...the show went on without her.

 That was hard and long day. She was missed.

While in the Hospital the Softball paparazzi tried to get a picture but security was tight

Astrid is now home recovering nicely.

Glad your off the D.L now mommy, your irreplaceable part of the lineup.

Shazam!!!!!!!!!!!!.. I uh mean Shameez!!! ... Coaching Staff

Legendary Comic Book Super Hero Shazam was famous

for yelling "Shazam!"which summoned a magic lightning bolt that transforms him into an superhero.

Well I don't yell Shazam when I need a superhero I yell SHAMEEZA!!!!!!!!!!

She's my super celebrity Nanny - and she's awesome!!!!!!

Recently The Insider caught up with her at at first she was a bit uncooperative

but then warmed up and gave us a glimpse and insight at the future of Team Gemini

She's amazing - Celebrity Nanny is the baby whisper and is learning softball.

P.S. Still calls it a match rather than a game - Cricket background

When Keeping it SB Real Goes Wrong

I was a big fan of the Dave Chappelle TV show and one of my favorite skits was "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong". If you never seen it before these 2 bootleg Youtube videos below give you the general idea that sometimes when try and do one thing something else happens

Well recently I tried doing to Two Interviews "Where Keeping it SB Real Went Wrong"

Interview #1 - Trying to pay homage to a Sb Legend goes wrong

Uh... OK

Interview #2 Trying to Understand a Sb Umpire Legend's Apparel goes wrong
Uh// OK

Sometimes keeping it Sb Real can go Wrong