Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Worst Sports Month

Tomorrow, February 1st 2009, is the Super Bowl.

Steelers vs Cardinals.
It's the Ultimate Sports Event.
Super Bowl parties with Liquor, food, and friends will be in effect.
Clever Commercials.
Degenerate Gambling.
Good Stuff.
Fun Stuff

then Nothing.

If your not into NBA basketball there isn't much going on.

March Madness is really over a month away.
Football is done.
Hockey - c'mon that's for Canadians
Pitchers and Catchers - yawn.

February is the worst sports month.

Most bored baseball junkies will catch a Classic Met/Yankee games on SNY and YES to get their sports swerve on.

I'm bored right now and I want to get my softball swerve on so I'm going to take a walk on the Classic side

Classic Softball Blogs/Topics that I'm Proud of and what they mean
(More than the usual Top Ten)
(Topic and Links are in Bold while my remarks are under the Text in Red)

Mr February

What it means To me
Nothing is harder that over coming a stigma that your own mind has created.
Every player should want to become more than they currently are - It's called Transcendence

Mr Magoo -

What it means To me
I hate dissing umpires but this blog was special b/c I hate Mr Johnson, he sucks and the Big Apple league should get rid of him. I don't want to hear any political bullshit, he's a cancer, asshole, and has to get wacked. I can't believe he is the head umpire and gets kick backs from the other umpires. It's ridiculous. Lose him.

Dogs Chasing Cars

What it means To me

DieHard Central Park pick up player tribute.
Hey love comes in many different forms


What it means To me

I Love Black Jack and I Love Softball.
The odds are against you in both, but you can beat the system if you play your cards right.

Breaking Up and Hoes

What it means To me

Isn't my motto that softball is more than just a game?
Well what's the point of softball blogging if you can't tie in the Real World?


What it means To me

Inspiration can come at any time.


What it means To me

Cheaters, especially blatant ones, need to be exposed.


What it means To me

Love him or hate him he's Never boring.

Dio Jackson

What it means To me

Same as Castillo.


What it means To me

A Blog Title that the NY Post would be proud of.
Ironically, Rosenmiller and I played on 2 teams in 2008 and enjoyed a good season.


What it means To me

Investigative and informative reporting


What it means To me

A way to kill time


What it means To me

Trying to get a job.
A guy actually called me about a job in Washington D.C after finding this blog.
Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.


What it means To me

Controversy is always good for readership and attracting goon anonymous comments.

Boxers and Warriors

What it means To me

Fun and imagination.


What it means To me

Good memories and a bog reason why to play the game

Is February over yet?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Dogs Chasing Cars

In the Summer blockbuster The Dark Knight, the late Heath Ledger brilliantly played Batman's arch rival the Joker to perfection

One of my favorite lines in the movie is when the Joker says
"...I am like a dog chasing cars, I wouldn't know what to do if I ever catch one".

This line reminds NYC most hardcore softball enthusiast "Los Locos" (The Crazies).
Los Locos play Pickup softball every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday from March through November in NYC (primarily Central Park).
Pickup softball is not league affiliated.
It's basically a bunch of guys getting together to play just to play.
No Trophies.
No League.
No Dinner.
No Website.
No Money.
They play just to play.

The Live for Softball.
They are crazy for Softball.
They chase softball.

2003 Picture of Los Locos

It's only January 24th and the season is many weeks away. I know it's crazy to even think about playing softball yet, but if I had to bet who would be the first people playing ball in 2009, my money would go on "Los Locos" (The Crazies).

What's good and bad about Los Locos is that you don't know whether to bring a bat, cleats, glove, cop, psychologist, or tank to a game. As it can be fun, boring, frustrating, dangerous, annoying, and humbling to play pickup.
Just like life in NYC.

Much like dogs chasing cars, most of these players don't need a plan.
They just need a game.
An outlet to release whatever is burning inside of them.
You see pickup softball represents the melting pot that is NY.
You have people in it from all walks of life.

Blacks, Whites, Latins, all races
Joey - great guy.
Runs like a deer and has a great attitude.

Pickup Legends Marty and Joel. Marty is a big man with a big heart, Joel is a line drive machine famous for arguing with umpires.

Power Hitting Boricua Ralph Serrano
takes his cuts.

When focuses Ralph is a very dangerous player. I call him Pitbull.

Sensible Business professionals
Steve M.- good honest hard working guy who could catch ground balls blindfolded. What stands out about Steve is that he is just so normal.

Jews, Catholics, and people of all religious/political beliefs
Angry Jack and Big Tony celebrate Obama's victory at the expense of Hardcore Republican Joel

Puerto Rican Posse - Frankie, Boog-A-Lou, and Ralph relax and bond

Angry Jack gets ready to get Angry. No one knows why Angry Jack gets Angry and no one cares or pays too much mind. He's just Angry

intellectuals, morons, bad players, good players, dogs, etc all get together to play a game.

Olympic Athlete and Scholar Rawle and Vince share a moment of reflection during a game

Dream Team of Castillo, Jimmy Bitros and Willie plan strategy

Master Jedi Softball Hitter and Gigolo Nellie with his lovable pooch Max.
Max goes to every game and rarely barks. Nellie is the one player in all of pick up that no one ever gets mad at despite his mental lapses. Don't get me wrong, Nelie was a stud player and is still a good player. He's just well he's just Nellie. But this guy could roll out of bed in January and hit line drives. Amazing.

I am one of the Los Locos.
As evidenced by my close your eyes, swing as hard you can, and pray you hit it approach
(that explains why I suck now we have picture proof!!!!!)

No one is "normal" in pickup. I'm sure not. How could you be?
Your playing softball all day everyday.

Pickup regulars come in many different forms and I could Top Ten about each and everyone of them.

One of the most legendary is Vladimir (pictured below hitting in his skin tight Ironman shirt)

Vlad is one strong dude who pitches, fixes the field, and basically goes berserk during games.

He's a PRO Wrestling junkie who a lot of people says looks like Will Smith in Hancock

Vlad is a pickup Lifer.
I think I'll stop talking about him now, if I write anything further he could kill me.

One cool thing about pickup is that it gives good older players a chance to play.

For example, Inwood Legend Willie "El Loco" Ferrer ( seen hitting below ) has found a home

The leader of this Motley crew is possibly one of the most beloved people in Central Park.
Jimmy Bitros

He coined the phrase "Batting Practice 1st", only true pickup players understand the importance/significance of this saying

Jimmy organizes the games, calls everyone, gets the permits, plays in all the games, and then takes batting practices after the games.

A true pickup legend.

All these games have an umpire and that would be Charlie ( on the right below)

Charlie sucks as an umpire.
Everyone knows that.
That's not important.
What is important is that he serves as a Human bulls-eye

Charlie is a Target.
Being an umpire is difficult.
Being an umpire in pick up is IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!
Charlie takes the slings and arrows of abuse from Los Locos for a modest fee.
Someone has to do it, hey it lets Charlie earn and believe me he earns his money,
Rumor has it he wakes up in the middle of night b/c he has nightmares about Joel.

Pickup can be twisted and brilliant, but if you are a true softball whore you are irresistibly drawn to it, like dogs chasing cars.

The Softballinsider would like to thank Jimmy Bitros and Juan "Blonde" Moreiras for all the pictures on display in this blog.

Also, as an aside I would like to say that in the hundreds of blogs I have written the last two years I usually know which direction a blog is taking me.

Some are angry, some are funny, some are wacky, when I first started writing this blog I thought it would be funny/sarcastic but it turned into something else, I guess it made me appreciate being a Loco more.

Being a pickup regular is like the Land of Misfit toys in the Christmas classic Rudolph the Red Nose reindeer.
It's home.
Even a softball misfit deserves a chance to play.
Too bad sometimes in pickup it could get you killed.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


It's the dead of winter and that means Snow and lots of it.

While I was shoveling snow it got me to thinking about which is harder to do
Shoveling Snow or Fixing a softball field so without much further ado
let's compare Top Ten Style.

Top Ten Comparisons Between Shoveling Snow and Fixing a Softball Field

10. EFFORT/Hard Work - Both are strenuous activities.
EDGE : Fixing the field
Sorry but the field is usually a harder, mushier, and messier area, no one wants to help you and you don't feel like doing it. It can be blazing hot and you feel like you back in 3rd world Cuba or DR working on your grandfathers sugar cane field.
Plowing/removing snow ain't fun, but its the lesser of these two evils.

9. FUN
EDGE :Removing Snow - not even close - Snowball fights, snow angels, sledding, tackling people in the snow is a must. Try that while fixing a field and you will be buried deeper than Jimmy Hoffa in the Meadowlands.

8. Workout Factor
Edge: Fixing the Field.
You hear every year about people who get heart attacks while shoveling snow, but
but generally it has been my experience that taking out water and raking/shoveling mud requires more strength, endurance, and energy. It's like a construction triathlon.


Like all jobs if you have the right equipment you can get the job done more efficiently.
Shovels, rakes, picks, salt, quick dryer, snow blower, trucks, line powder, line drawing, tarps are all musts. But if you don't have the right equipment you might have to do what I did last summer check out classic blog
to find out how I improvised

6. Fans
Edge : Removing Snow
While shoveling snow usually helpful family members and neighbor encourage you, however when fixing a field impatient, cranky, and rude goon players heckle and blame for you for a Random act of God.

Occasionally you get players that want to help, for example not only did KO pitcher Gilbert lend a special "squeegee" device to remove water but he also fixed two fields in the pitch black of night and then the next day he threw 3 games.

Like JFK said "Ask not what your league can do for you, but what you can do for your league"

5. Employees
Edge : Snow
If your too busy, lazy, tired you can always ask a neighborhood kid to shovel snow for like $20.
But in Softball, it's Mafia and it's big business.

Chelo is Inwood groundskeeper "El manger DE El Terreno" and after he gets the work done, he gets plastered (actually he's drunk 100% of the time), he listens to bachata music and yells "La Renta La Renta" over and over at you until you pay him.

4. Law
Edge : Fixing the Field
Their is no Law that you have to fix the field, that's the lazy parks departments job.
But like most things in life if you want something done right you have to do it yourself.
We all fix the fields out of love and desire to play the game.
However, if you own property or a car the law makes you clear the snow otherwise someone could slip and sue you.

3. Patience
Edge Fixing the Field
When you remove the snow you can just pile it safely out of the way, But after you remove water, rake a field, the you have to wait for the sun and wind to dry the surface.
Patience is a virtue.

2. Sense of Accomplishment
Edge : Fixing the Field
I know it's retarded but you are always proud and brag about you great a job you did while fixing a field, not even close.

and the Number One Comparisons Between Shoveling Snow and Fixing a Softball Field

1. Bevarges
Edge : Shoveling Snow
I know Chelo would say otherwise but Liquor does not mix in both. Bro it hard physical work. Water and/or Gatorade is must while fixing a field.
While Coffee and hot chocolate hits the spot after shoveling snow.
Sorry but the latter is tastier

Overall Score
5-4-1 In Favor of fixing the Field.
What the fuck????
Fixing the field is a shitty job????????????
This needs a recount

Friday, January 16, 2009

NFL Coors Light Beer Commercials

Now that the NFL season is almost over many players start thinking about the upcoming softball season. Along those same lines last night I attended a softball meeting for the upcoming Central Park Softball season

The meeting took place at Blondies bar on 79th street and for some reason reminded me of the Famous NFL Coors Light Beer Commercials.
The Coors press conference commercials are gold.

Some of my real and fake Coors commercial favorites are below - this one is fake but funny - also fake but funny

Top Ten Reasons Softball Meetings Remind me of a Coors Light Commercial

10. Both have people drinking Coors Light in them
9. Both have drunks in them
8. They both occur during a break in the action
7. Classic Jim Mora quote PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS?? is always discussed
6. Coaches in both are always upset at the umps/officials
5. The coaches in the commercials and the commissioners in the meetings have to answer awkward retarded questions in a serious manner. Lots of Questions
4. Lots of clowns goofing around in both
3. People who take things a bit too seriously are made fun of in both
2. Both the coach in the commercial and the people attending the meeting would rather be somewhere else.

and the Number One Reasons Softball Meetings Remind me of a Coors Light Commercial

1. They are both funny and fun - clashing personality, dumb questions, drinking - it's like a 40 year old frat part

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Without me

Guess who's back.
Back again!!
SBI is back !!!
Tell a friend !!!!!!!!!
Guess who's back,
Guess who's back,
Guess who's back,
Guess who's back
Guess who's back,
Guess who's back,
Guess who's back,
I've created a monster, ......

All right all right I'll stop with the corny rip-off of Eminem's classic "Without Me" song and get right back to blogging about softball

It's January 6th. Isn't that Three Kings Day dude?

It's always softball season.

In fact it a new year and with that comes resolution for a new season.

Top Ten New Year Softball Resolution

10. Win more championships - last year I won only 1 Championship.
Any Chip is nice but the more the merrier.

9. Hit a Homer Run off Johnny Castillo with my new "used ebay" bat

Hitting a homer is nice, hitting one off of Castillo is always nice, but it will also mean that the he is back playing softball again and that will be good thing.
8. Umpire twice a week - The money is always nice, but I take pride in umping and doing my best for the players involved. maybe create an umpire association.
7. Improve.
Improve at age 40 (I'll be 40 this year) ?
I thought you can't teach an old dog new tricks?
40 is old, but not too old for softball, getting better and competing at your best is always important. Making people that say you suck shut up is Priceless
6. Not pick up so many people in my car for softball.
The Knockout Shuttle is too tiring and annoying.
5. Not call so many people for softball.
Last year I felt I called softball players more than I used to call girls I wanted to hook up with when I was single. Ridiculous
4. Win in the Big Apple League. I have never even made the finals in 7 seasons.
3. Not Manage - another headache to avoid.
2. Pay as little money as possible to play in softball. Don't get me wrong I will pay for beer, equipment, umps, parking, pitchers, I uh mean consultants, but I don't want to pay any league fees or uniforms - waste of money.
and the Number One New Year Softball Resolution
1.Just Play as much as possible before age and hopefully fatherhood slow that down.