It is often said that Idle Hands are the Devil's Tools. In softball over the years players with idle hands and nothing better to do have made my life miserable by asking me stupid questions like :
- "Does the umpire decide during the game"
- "What's the score ?
- "What's the inning?
- "How many outs?"
- "What field are we on"?
- "Who we playing?"
Albert Einstein said"the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". Einstein is right as seeing that I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose because every fucking day I and the rest of the LOST 9.1% UI souls take our idle handles and go on the internet and look for work. Some examples of the sites I use include:
McAffe and Taleo are devils system henchmen that make up & design these painfully generic UI busy work website questions to torture me and the rest of UI nation. Well I'm sick of these sites all they do is annoy me and deep down I'm sure me and the 9.1% (millions) of us out there just like me wish we could give honest answers and destroy them. The only difference is I got the balls to blog about it and if you feel like I feel here's the antidote for on-line website idle hand rage as I've attached some examples of the goddamn same stupid repetitive questions I answer every fucking day, the professional response I give, and most importantly the real world response I want to give.Question 1. Are you legally permitted to work in the country or a Citizen of the country for which you are applying for a job?
Professional Response : Yes
Real World Response I want to give : No I'm trying to start an invasion stupid. I don't stand in front of Home Depot looking for work either moron. Do you have a job or not?Question 2. Do you currently serve, or are you planning to serve on the board of directors or as an officer or partner of any company devoted to profit-making?
Professional Response : NoReal World Response I want to give : Really? Head of the Board of Directors? Are you fucking kidding ? I just got laid off stupid. What do you think?
Question #3 Do you have a signed Non-Compete with a previous or current employer?Professional Response : No
Real World Response I want to give : Those assholes just laid me off, I want to run them into the ground. Fuck them
Professional Response : NoReal World Response I want to give : Born in the USA baby. By the way didn't you ask this before.
Question 5. Have you been convicted of a crime or offense?Professional Response : No
Real World Response I want to give : I never did a crime that I didn't have to do.Question # 6 Are you able to present the proper documentation of employment eligibility upon your date of hire?
Professional Response : YesReal World Response I want to give : This isn't Cuba stupid of course I can.
Question #7 Are you currently employed by or have worked for xxxxx firm?Professional Response : No
Real World Response I want to give : I just gave you a thing called a resume that tells you my work experience. Why don't you trying reading it instead of shoving it into a database somewhere. By the way, how dumb can you be not to be able to check internally if I worked at your company before?Question #8 Are you currently employed by or have worked for xxxxx or a predecessor company?
Professional Response : NoReal World Response I want to give : Didn't you just ask that? My god. My god
Question #9 Are you related to anyone currently employed at xxx firm or any of its subsidiaries ?Professional Response : No
Real World Response I want to give : I wish I had a relative who worked there that way I could get hooked up and wouldn't have to be on-line and fill out this stupid application. By the way, you smell.
Professional Response : NoReal World Response I want to give : I committed to making those asshole sorry for canning me
Now I know some of you are thinking "Man Ricky maybe you shouldn't write this maybe some firm might read this". Your kidding right? First of all, most of these companies are like critics, half of them can't even stomach me and the other half doesn't even read my resume, you think they read my blog? To Fight the Power you have to sometimes be a little out of your mind and proud of it, otherwise you fall into the Man's Trap and become a pawn in his game. More importantly, You think I give a damn about a them, finding work now is all about networking and connections, these site questions are evil and just idle hand work for the suffering unemployed. I have more respect for someone who doesn't know what inning we are in than them.