Monday, June 30, 2008

Application Questions

I've literally filled out thousands of job applications on-line over the last 6 months in the hopes of obtaining a full time position.

Honestly, it's fucking annoying and a waste of time, but I do it anyway b/c it's a process and no one is going to do it for me.

Being the too much time on my hands fool that I am I couldn't help but pick out and
compare the Top Ten Interview questions that I can relate to softball ....

10. First Name, Middle Initial Last Name
Real World RR
Softball : Mr Top Ten , Alias SBI - softball insider

9. Salary Requirement
Real World : I usually give a range.
They're trying to low ball everyone know.
Honestly, What I really want to write down on an application is
"Right now I'm living off unemployment so anything you pay me is better than nothing"
Softball: Ump Fee $40. I suck to much to ever get paid as player
8. Ethnicity
Real World : This is usually optional.
I type in Hispanic praying that some company has to hire me to meet some stupid quota
Softball: Race is irrelevant. The best part about softball is for the most part no one cares about your ethnicity, they only care if you can make plays.
7. Tell us something you hated about your last position
Real World : Trick question where they want to see if you will shit on your last job or take the high road and turn a negative into a positive - say corny stuff like "I want to learn and grow"
Softball : Tell us something you hated about your last team
Another trick softball question the best politically correct answer is
"It was time" which really means I hate you for benching me
or I think they will suck this year

6. Tell us something you like about your last position
Real World : Again a trick question.
Corny safe answer is that you liked the people and it was a great opportunity to learn
Softball : Tell us something you like about your team - best answer is winning or playing time. Other good choices are location, field quality, game times or drinking after the game.

4. Hobbies
Real World : Never Ever mention softball - say charity, coaching little league, sewing, whatever. Never let them know you leave early to go play.
Softball : Tough call. Business networking is OK I guess. Don't mention hobbies that they will heckle you on like ballroom dancing, opera, or ballet

3. Education
Real World : College, Grad School, Trade School years attended/graduated
Softball : School of Hard Knocks - have you ever won a championship? What leagues have you played in?

2. Message to the Recruiter
Real World : Again politically correct bullshit is required like you want a "challenging position in the financial services field".
Deep down all I want to write is I want to Earn and Learn get me a job motherfucker.
I know it's ghetto but it's to the point and the truth.
Softball: Message to new Manager - I want a chance to compete for a position. I don't want anything guaranteed I just want a chance. I've learned the hard way softball gods don't approve of having anything given to you.

and the Number One Interview questions that I can softball too is
1. When can you start?
Real World: 2 weeks. You need to give proper notice to your employer.
Softball: Let me ask my wife/girl if i can play.
Gotta make sure someone can take care of the kids

No comments:

Post a Comment