Wednesday, June 25, 2008

1 Blue Plastic Garbage Bag, 1 Funnel, 3 Empty Boxes of Coors Light and an old Shopping Cart with No Wheels

Nice Title huh?

Yesterday, I was the 1st player to show up at a softball game between Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers at Gateway field in Jersey City (I play for Merrill).

It rained really hard yesterday for about only 15 minutes. But that was enough time to create moderate field damage to the shortstop, 2nd base, and 1st base field positions. On a positive note, Home plate was in excellent condition and it actually a really nice field in a a bad area of Jersey City. Not exactly the Great Lawn in Central Park but a nice field nonetheless.

Being the 1st loser there, I really wanted to play and knew that he field was fixable.

I also knew that no one else would fix the field but me.

Whatever time for my "Bruto Power" ( Raw Ignorant Retard Strength") to Activate

The only problem was I had no equipment.

Time to improvise.

From my trunk I grabbed a Blue Plastic Garbage Bag and a Funnel.

I dragged the blue bag over the mud with my foot and bare hands and used the funnel to drain out as much water as possible.

This helped a little but a sponge was really needed to soak the water out.
So I looked around and low and behold the ghetto neighborhood gave me the natural sponges I needed as in RF 2 empty boxes of Coors Light lay (Ghetto to the fullest).

I opened up the boxes, flattened them out and laid them over the damaged areas to soak the guck away.

A couple of players from the other team arrived - No one helped.

Fuck them. Really on yourself I told myself. The softball gods will pay them back.

With the water mostly gone, I needed something to rake the field.

Again the ghetto gave me the natural tools to get the job done.

Underneath the train tracks ,( Yes this project filled area also has an above ground train, not AMTrack either, rather 1950 style cargo train above ground - call a local real estate agent for a listing) I found an old Shopping Cart with No Wheels.

I thought, that's my rake.

I picked up the shopping cart, flipped it over and used it to rake the field.

Now the mud was gone and we just needed some new dirt.

At this point my manager had showed up and provided me with some tools.

No one helped me from my team either.


From him I obtained a miniature shovel that I used to dig up some dry dirt lying behind 1st base underneath the train tracks.

I needed to carry the dirt to the field so I filled up another empty Coors light box, took the dirt and spread it over the worked on areas and raked the area again.

At that point only 1 other player from the other team helped me rake the field.

All in all only 1 player from the opposition thanked me. So wack


The game was on.

To make matters worse at game time we once had 6 players as 4 guys were stuck in Holland Tunnel traffic.

Most players feel that fixing the field makes you tired and you usually lose when you do so. There is some truth in that I guess, but not today.

Our players showed up and it turned out o be a very good game hat we won 7-3.

As for me, I misjudged and dropped a fly ball in the game, pathetic and unacceptable.
However, I rebounded nicely to get a couple of key Hits/Rbi's late to seal the victory.
So I guess the softball gods give and taketh away.

Was it worth it?

Finacially No.

But a true Softball Warrior always wants to play so Yes

, 2 Empty Boxes of Coors Light and a old Shopping Cart with No Wheels


  1. You would never do that for Inwood. I'm going to start treating you like the Merrill team.

  2. Do you do windows?


  3. I really needed the money and thought this game was going to be called. Who should I send my cleaning bill to ?

    Thanks Umpire - Oj.