Thursday, May 14, 2009

Dumb Ump Jokes

Recently stunning Miss California Carrie Prejean
has said & done a lot of dumb things like bashing gay marriage and have nude pictures surface that have negatively affected her career.
While I know you might not have noticed b/c your eyes where elsewhere but the young lady is a blond and as everyone knows "Dumb Blond" jokes are famous.

Here are some corny Dumb Blond jokes :
A Blond was Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels b/c ....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

A Blond got excited b/c she finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....the box said "2-4 years!"

A Blond tried to go water skiing.....but couldn't find a lake with a slope.

A Blond lost breast stroke swimming competition.....she learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

A Blond got locked out of car in rain storm.....her car got swamped, because top was down.

When a blond was asked what is the capital of California she said "C".....isn't it???

Why do Blonds Hate M & M's.....b/c they are so hard to peel.
A Blond baked a turkey for 4 1/2 days b/c the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 108!!!
A blond was in danger but Couldn't call 911 b/c .."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
Ok Ok Ok enough already with the dumb blond jokes b/c blonds aren't the only ones who are dumb, there are dumb umpires out there.You all know about how I feel about Mr. Johnson
He's awful, but now he has company ... Umpire James Flowers from EMS and the Saturday Central Park League is just as bad. Maybe dumber.
I hate blaming umps. Players make or don't make plays that's what decides over 95% of the games. I'm an ump I know umps do make mistakes and blow calls. I can deal with that. But what I can't stand more than anything is an ump who is bruto (ignorant), confrontational, and lazy. That pretty much sums up James ... so CJ and Steve if your reading get rid of him b/c he's a a walking lobotomy.
Top Ten "You Know your Ump is Dumb" jokes
10. He yells play ball & throws a basketball out to the pitcher instead of a clincher softball
9. When asked when a slinger is throwing illegal he replies "He's good"
8. When you ask for time and he tells you its 3:30 pm
7. When he tells you he missed the call b/c he was looking at his clicker - Howie Pelham Bay did this once and it cost us a game - liar and idiot
6. When he calls foul on a ball that starts foul and rolls back fair in the IF before it passes 1st or 3rd base that was not touched. James did this last night. Know the rules moron
5. When he yells safe but makes the out sign - dumb.. happens so much
4. When he makes you play in a snowstorm or blatantly unplayable weather. Actually he's not dumb here just greedy. He wants to make a lousy $40-$50 bucks and doesn't care if anyone gets hurt. In Spanish its called "Se Hace el Bobo" - he plays the fool/dummy
3. When the count is full and men on base, he hears a coach say take off on the release so when the pitcher throws the ball he runs to 1B
2. When he walks up to ump partner to help get a call right and he still gets it wrong. This makes him look so bad and incompetent. Truly a joke
and the Number One "You Know your Ump is dumb" joke
1. This one is actually not a joke, it's dangerous. When an ump let's a team argue balls and strikes every play rather than issue one warning to both teams. This leads to tension and him losing control of the game. The game ends up a goon fest with the potential for a riot. Sure fire idiot move


  1. Dude, I hope I don't make this list..LOL.
    Ump OJ.

  2. Super dumb thing is on Final score first he says he swung and on a bigger cut they say he did not. A dumb thing is when he says safe when he id far far away and that ruined Detroits Perfect. Atleast Halliday got a perfect on because on the Red Sox a perfect disappears from all these amazing plays because a umpire is in the way of a feilder. I know Umps are stupid as crap.

  3. The one above is my note and my name is Grant Houston and not Anonymous, this note is too from Grant Merrick Houston from Missouri who is 9 and does 6th grade math. I am an athelete too.