Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Message In A bottle

Love the Classic Police Song "Message in a Bottle"

"I'm not alone in being alone" - very cool line

The bottles used by softball managers and commissioners to send out written messages to players include:
  • emails
  • Texting
  • website postings/notifications
  • social media. 
SB commissioner and manager writing are different because of their audience.

Softball managers are actually "softball alone" as many players never respond or read any of their messages. 99% of players don't read anything a manager writes as it comes with the territory and quite frankly is such a 25 to life sucker loser topic that it disgusts and bores me.

On the other hand, a commissioners audience is mostly managers and nosy whiners/gossipers that read everything. Hell they:
Italics, and 

management's words to use against them at every opportunity it benefits them. It's like when you get arrested "Everything You Say Can and Will be Used Against You".

You know the SB party getting all Good Wife legal technical on the Commish doesn't read their 401k statements, mortgage, lease, or health insurance policy but they will read everything a Commish posted. Sometimes this is justified as some commissioners are shiesty, but overall its mostly people trying to win or just never being happy.

Commissioners have to clear when they write about:
  • Prizes - such a No No to put in writing. 
  • Rules - shirt tuck, shirt rules, line up configuration, under wear size, Mother Fuckers don't care how petty something is, they will remember.
  • Schedules - Always an angle. Always a complaint.
  • Standings - Want them updated in between innings. Hurry Hurry Hurry
  • Promises  - "Modified", "Game Times", etc
  • Hot line/Phone Numbers - Accuracy a must
  • Ban Lists - let's not even discuss. Not worth wasting our life force anymore.
  • Equipment - metal cleats, ASA bats, etc
  • Umpires  - Complain Complain Complain 
  • Protest - ticky tacky weak pussy shit. Play the game
  • Directions - Have you heard of google maps?
  • Pictures - People complain "that picture made me look fat."
  • Videos - people complain "You can't show me playing. I have a lawsuit pending"
  • Prior Year Postings - Mother fuckers can't pay their taxes or fill out a tax form, but they know league rules for 2005 and wonder why it has changed.
  • Etc

Some Commissioners are really good at softball messages and other are well.... you be the judge

Here's my List

Top Ten Writing/Communication Skills for Commissioners or Managers in Softball

10. Bob -  54th Street

Writing Style - Blank Loose Leaf

He puts nothing in Writing. He wants to Win.

9. Fat Freddy Gonzalez Bronx Stars

Writing Style : Ramble, Babble, Repeat.

This is an inside insider joke that goes back many many years. I can't go into detail except to say I ask you all to trust me on this. Sheer comedy.

At the end of the day he wants to make money. More Teams More Money

8. Jack Mulcahy Performing Arts Softball League

Writing Style: Uses Face book Social Media to convey his love for the game. For Example

Scores for April 13 ~
Another beautiful spring day at Heckscher gave us some idea of the season it’s going to be: a great one. And here are the latest scores:
WHISKEY TOWN downed SAG•AFTRA, 7-3; RJK PRODUCTIONS vacuumed up THE DIRTBAG CREW, 7-0; and BRONX PARADISE hit all the right notes over LOCAL 802 MUSICIANS, 7-1
LATE SHOW was on time with a 13-0 bleaching of BLONDIES; SPOTTED OWL feasted upon ActorsFCU PRIME TIME PLAYERS, 15-3; and the joke was on LOCAL 802 MUSICIANS PM as undefeated GOTHAM COMEDY CLUB scored three in the 7th to win, 10-9, in the game of the week
See you all out there next Monday. JM

Very Good

7 Inwood/

Writing Style: Direct. To the Point. Honest. Professional  Top Tens and Interviews a plus.

One negative is in the past site was slow to be updated. That's my "Mea Culpa". We improved last year as I helped him more gather/post information quickly.

6. Jeff Marcus - Big Apple League

Writing Style: Jeff writes very clearly. In conversations Jeff sometimes he veers off course when you talk to him as he quotes obscure Big Apple trivia, but on the site he tells you what you need to know.

Too bad the website is from 1999 and is outdated basura. Time to come into the 21st Century.

5/4/3. Speaking of Terrible Websites - These two good leagues need an upgrade an:

Fucking outdated and boring. Gotham is probably the best of the bunch

How about some pictures at least? A picture is worth 1,000 words. Something. You get what you pay for on these free/cheap sites. Nothing. Unreadable....hmm.. Do they want it that why?

2. Tony Ferrazo - BMSL

Leagues 6/5/4 should please go to for help. As for Tony. He's a self admitted terrible writer. At least he's smart enough to get help.

and the #1 Writing/Communication Skills for Commissioners or Managers in Softball

1. Noble Avenue

Writing Style: None.
Website? None

What is the Internet?

It's a neighborhood league.

This picture is the book they keep score with.

 This is the Old Bronx!

They get a pass. It's a hangout. No rain out phone number needed as when it rains people still go to the park.

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