Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Softball Diary April 26th, 2011

Today I am starting a new segment called "Softball Diary". It will be a log of some of the softball experiences I encounter.

April 26th, 2011
Dear Softball Diary:
Today I didn't play. I umpired in Red Hook Brooklyn. Unfortunately, I didn't have the car today so I had a Cardinal Spellman High School flashback and rode multiple trains
including the G train (1st time ever in NYC) to Smith and 9th in Red Hook BKNY (damn that was the highest (3 levels) train station I have ever been in). Once I got to the infamous Red Hook Area what I found was yuppies taking Kick Boxing lessons
(bad picture I know sorry - but take my word on it) and luxury brownstones so the ten minute walk to the ballpark was a piece of cake.

The game I officiated was a bullshit co-ed game - really easy money, but there were some unique softball tidbits that were worth noting:
  1. When I got there, one team informed me they only had 1 girl and would take 2 automatic outs. Moreover, they only had 8 players overall. I thought to myself easy sure fire mercy. Well, the team with only one girl (good player/hitter) won easily 22-7.
  2. Speaking of the winning team, I knew it was there day when their opponent hit a blooper between the pitcher and catcher that no one caught and the pitcher yelled "Let it Go Foul". The catcher in his infinite skill and wisdom reached for the ball in fair territory with his catching mask. Lo and behold, the ball got stuck in his mask and the pitcher, who happened to be the young lady I mentioned above, grabbed the ball from his mask and fired to 1st for the out. Just like they practiced it. Jesus
  3. Later on, the game ball was hit way out of play, so I asked a guy in the dugout to throw me a new ball. He threw me the hardest Flintstones rock baseball style softball on earth. I said "Really?" "Really?" "Really?"Later in the game he took a borderline 3-2 pitch with a 15 run lead and I rang him up. He deserved it on so many levels. Really
  4. Leading 22-7 in the 7th, some guy with ridiculous Elvis sideburns and Buddy Holly glasses asked me to enforce the mercy rule b/c the other team might come back and win b/c his team only had 8 players. I couldn't even grasp the obsession with petty rules he was tripping on so I told him to get back out there. Of course the softball gods punished him as he dropped a easy OF pop up with two outs in the 7th. Always
  5. The losing team was my old company JPMChase. They lost to 7 guys, 1 talented young lady, 2 automatic ghost outs in their lineup. My god My god
OK Softball Diary, gotta go now and renew my May school train pass, I uh mean Metro Card.


  1. You look like a fucking sexual predator with the sunglasses and hat on.

  2. so you know, catcher using mask intentionally to catch or touch ball in any way is detached equipment, three base award.