To the happiness of everyone I've been Willie Nelson R "On the Road Again" lately so I haven't had much time to write about, much less play softball lately.
They say absence makes the heart grows fonder and in softball that is very true.
I miss the game and all the insanity that surrounds it.
In fact I fell re-energized and enthusiastic about the second half.
But I am not naive to the pitfalls of softball, and an old Dave Chappelle skit called "When keeping it real goes wrong" comes to mind when I think about Softball.
Top Ten ways "When Keeping it Real goes wrong" in Softball
10. Playing Pickup in Central Park with Los Locos - These guys are indescribable. When one dog barks they all bark. If you umpire in one of those games your safer going to some red neck KKK town and letting them hunt and chase you in the woods at night. Basically, they have no respect for the game, the rules, the park, and sadly each other.
9. Managing - You can only make 90% of the people happy 10% of the time. Lineups, positions, pitching changes, emails, collecting money face it - the more honest you are the more people use it against you.
8. Recruiting Stud players - you can treat them like Victoria Secret Goddesses and still get shitted on. They are like the fine girl you really liked and the nicer you treated her the more she teased you and dumped you until she eventually broke your heart and fucked some other asshole.
7. Explaining illegal pitching rules to umpires - You know the rules, I know the rules, the other team knows the rule, The pitcher on the other team knows the rule, Everyone knows the rules except the Ump. But god forbid you try and explain the rule to the ump. They don't wan to hear it and then they say something foul to you like "Be a man and hit the ball"
6. Commissioner of a Softball League - Their is one golden rule in every league -whenever something goes wrong BLAME THE COMMISSIONER!! I've known commissioners with the noblest of intentions who keep it real and stuff backfires on them - tough job
5. Umpire - hard job - only 50% of the people are happy. I truly hate arguing and blaming umpires. It's usually a waste of time. The worse umps are the ones who refuse to work as a team with their partners to get the rules right and control the game.
4. Hitting - When you unselfishly try and advance runners by hitting the ball the other way but something goes wrong like the other team makes a great play or you hit into a double play. You did everything right and you still failed, classic when keeping it real goes wrong.
3. Aggressive Base running - you look great if you make but incredibly stupid if your thrown out and kill a rally - baserunning is the #1 thing that slides under the radar and costs you games in softball.
2. Analysis by Paralysis - you think and talk too much - just play the game
and the Number One Way "When Keeping it Real goes wrong" in Softball
1. Wanting to Win - every manager faces the dilemma of sneaking a stud player on your roster who usually doesn't show up but you know is a difference maker. So it's the playoffs your stud player shows up and incredibly he sucks or chokes. The "going wrong" ripple effect hits you like a Tsunami - You lose, the stud player is mad, the loyal player you benched quits, everyone blames you, softball misery to the fullest