Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Heart-Break Hotel Douple Dip

In baseball/softball, a Heart-Breaker is close game that you lose in some painful fashion.

Top Ten Painful Ways to Lose a Heart-Breaker

10. Physical Error - Who can ever forget the ground ball that went through Bill Buckner's legs in the 86' Series? All Heart Breaking losses suck but those caused by physical errors are a little less painful b/c they happen to everyone.

9. Walk Off Home Run - The other team hits a walk off homer - These are more shocking than anything - the game is just over - Very dramatic and memorable

8. Managerial Blunder - Nothing like intentionally walking someone to face the next batter who then hits the game winning triple. I did it recently - makes you feel fucking miserable

7. Base Running Blunder - this is basically a gift you give to the other team like getting thrown at at 3rd with no outs or 2 outs, missing bases, not listening to coaches - leaves you feeling sick to your stomach. Good 3rd base and 1st base coaching is very underrated in softball

6. Great Catch by the other team - Only bright side is at least you don't have to see it on Softball Tonight b/c ESPN doesn't cover Modified Male Softball

5. Lack of Offense against a bum pitcher - It's one thing to lose to a stud pitcher but not scoring against a bum is the male equivalent of impotence

4. Ex-Teammate plays significant role against you - It's like have an ex-girlfriend make out with her new man in front of you

3. Mental Error - you forget how many out there are, forget the score, throw to the wrong base - It's like failing a class in high school and having to go to summer school

2. Losing in the last inning - Blowing a lead in the 7th (softball) or 9th baseball is like an accident that you never saw coming.

And the #1 Painful Way to Lose a Heart-Breaker

1. Bad Ump Call - "We wuz robbed" Missed safe/out call, pitcher squeezed by ump, etc/ - Nothing more frustrating - leaves you feeling angry and helpless - you feel like A VICTIM - VIOLATED

Losing hurts more than winning feels good so a Heart-Break Loss deserves a Top Ten Doubleheader

Top Ten Ways Softball Heart-Break is like getting dumped by someone you really cared about

10. Both are painful and memorable - Misery loves company in both
9. Liquor is one of the best ways to forget both
8. Both leave you lacking confidence - The only way to get your softball confidence back to to go and beat another team while in life the best way to get over your significant other is have cheap meaningless sex with someone else
7. Both leave you asking why me?
6. Letting go and moving on is hard in both instances
5. You put everything you had into both only to lose in the end
4. In softball the person who wins the game has the power. In life the person doing the dumping has the power.
3. When you lose in the softball playoffs you don't get to play anymore. When you get dumped you don't get to have sex anymore. Therefore, both leave you lonely and spanning the web for porn. Masturbation results
2. Plenty of blame to go around in both

and the #1 Way Softball Heart-Break is like getting dumped by someone you really cared about

1. If you learn from both you be a better person and player in the end. If not, you will be doomed to commit the same mistakes and errors over and over again. Softball and life is what you make it.

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