I've literally filled out thousands of job applications on-line over the last 6 months in the hopes of obtaining a full time position.
Honestly, it's fucking annoying and a waste of time, but I do it anyway b/c it's a process and no one is going to do it for me.
Being the too much time on my hands fool that I am I couldn't help but pick out and
compare the Top Ten Interview questions that I can relate to softball ....
10. First Name, Middle Initial Last Name
Real World RR
Softball : Mr Top Ten , Alias SBI - softball insider
9. Salary Requirement
Real World : I usually give a range.
They're trying to low ball everyone know.
Honestly, What I really want to write down on an application is
"Right now I'm living off unemployment so anything you pay me is better than nothing"
Softball: Ump Fee $40. I suck to much to ever get paid as player
8. Ethnicity
Real World : This is usually optional.
I type in Hispanic praying that some company has to hire me to meet some stupid quota
Softball: Race is irrelevant. The best part about softball is for the most part no one cares about your ethnicity, they only care if you can make plays.
7. Tell us something you hated about your last position
Real World : Trick question where they want to see if you will shit on your last job or take the high road and turn a negative into a positive - say corny stuff like "I want to learn and grow"
Softball : Tell us something you hated about your last team
Another trick softball question the best politically correct answer is
"It was time" which really means I hate you for benching me
or I think they will suck this year
6. Tell us something you like about your last position
Real World : Again a trick question.
Corny safe answer is that you liked the people and it was a great opportunity to learn
Softball : Tell us something you like about your team - best answer is winning or playing time. Other good choices are location, field quality, game times or drinking after the game.
4. Hobbies
Real World : Never Ever mention softball - say charity, coaching little league, sewing, whatever. Never let them know you leave early to go play.
Softball : Tough call. Business networking is OK I guess. Don't mention hobbies that they will heckle you on like ballroom dancing, opera, or ballet
3. Education
Real World : College, Grad School, Trade School years attended/graduated
Softball : School of Hard Knocks - have you ever won a championship? What leagues have you played in?
2. Message to the Recruiter
Real World : Again politically correct bullshit is required like you want a "challenging position in the financial services field".
Deep down all I want to write is I want to Earn and Learn get me a job motherfucker.
I know it's ghetto but it's to the point and the truth.
Softball: Message to new Manager - I want a chance to compete for a position. I don't want anything guaranteed I just want a chance. I've learned the hard way softball gods don't approve of having anything given to you.
and the Number One Interview questions that I can softball too is
1. When can you start?
Real World: 2 weeks. You need to give proper notice to your employer.
Softball: Let me ask my wife/girl if i can play.
Gotta make sure someone can take care of the kids
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
BOSTON CONNECTION
Former Inwood/Bronx NY Softball Enthusiast William Lugo has moved t0 Boston and is looking to do a home and home series between NY-Boston.
The guy is really into it and can be contacted at willlugo@hotmail.com or 617-364-5073.
You never know you could make a new friend
The guy is really into it and can be contacted at willlugo@hotmail.com or 617-364-5073.
You never know you could make a new friend
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
1 Blue Plastic Garbage Bag, 1 Funnel, 3 Empty Boxes of Coors Light and an old Shopping Cart with No Wheels
Nice Title huh?
Yesterday, I was the 1st player to show up at a softball game between Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers at Gateway field in Jersey City (I play for Merrill).
It rained really hard yesterday for about only 15 minutes. But that was enough time to create moderate field damage to the shortstop, 2nd base, and 1st base field positions. On a positive note, Home plate was in excellent condition and it actually a really nice field in a a bad area of Jersey City. Not exactly the Great Lawn in Central Park but a nice field nonetheless.
Being the 1st loser there, I really wanted to play and knew that he field was fixable.
I also knew that no one else would fix the field but me.
Whatever time for my "Bruto Power" ( Raw Ignorant Retard Strength") to Activate
The only problem was I had no equipment.
Time to improvise.
From my trunk I grabbed a Blue Plastic Garbage Bag and a Funnel.
I dragged the blue bag over the mud with my foot and bare hands and used the funnel to drain out as much water as possible.
This helped a little but a sponge was really needed to soak the water out.
So I looked around and low and behold the ghetto neighborhood gave me the natural sponges I needed as in RF 2 empty boxes of Coors Light lay (Ghetto to the fullest).
I opened up the boxes, flattened them out and laid them over the damaged areas to soak the guck away.
A couple of players from the other team arrived - No one helped.
Fuck them. Really on yourself I told myself. The softball gods will pay them back.
With the water mostly gone, I needed something to rake the field.
Again the ghetto gave me the natural tools to get the job done.
Underneath the train tracks ,( Yes this project filled area also has an above ground train, not AMTrack either, rather 1950 style cargo train above ground - call a local real estate agent for a listing) I found an old Shopping Cart with No Wheels.
I thought, that's my rake.
I picked up the shopping cart, flipped it over and used it to rake the field.
Now the mud was gone and we just needed some new dirt.
At this point my manager had showed up and provided me with some tools.
No one helped me from my team either.
Whatever.
From him I obtained a miniature shovel that I used to dig up some dry dirt lying behind 1st base underneath the train tracks.
I needed to carry the dirt to the field so I filled up another empty Coors light box, took the dirt and spread it over the worked on areas and raked the area again.
At that point only 1 other player from the other team helped me rake the field.
All in all only 1 player from the opposition thanked me. So wack
Whatever.
The game was on.
To make matters worse at game time we once had 6 players as 4 guys were stuck in Holland Tunnel traffic.
Most players feel that fixing the field makes you tired and you usually lose when you do so. There is some truth in that I guess, but not today.
Our players showed up and it turned out o be a very good game hat we won 7-3.
As for me, I misjudged and dropped a fly ball in the game, pathetic and unacceptable.
However, I rebounded nicely to get a couple of key Hits/Rbi's late to seal the victory.
So I guess the softball gods give and taketh away.
Was it worth it?
Finacially No.
But a true Softball Warrior always wants to play so Yes
, 2 Empty Boxes of Coors Light and a old Shopping Cart with No Wheels
Yesterday, I was the 1st player to show up at a softball game between Merrill Lynch and Lehman Brothers at Gateway field in Jersey City (I play for Merrill).
It rained really hard yesterday for about only 15 minutes. But that was enough time to create moderate field damage to the shortstop, 2nd base, and 1st base field positions. On a positive note, Home plate was in excellent condition and it actually a really nice field in a a bad area of Jersey City. Not exactly the Great Lawn in Central Park but a nice field nonetheless.
Being the 1st loser there, I really wanted to play and knew that he field was fixable.
I also knew that no one else would fix the field but me.
Whatever time for my "Bruto Power" ( Raw Ignorant Retard Strength") to Activate
The only problem was I had no equipment.
Time to improvise.
From my trunk I grabbed a Blue Plastic Garbage Bag and a Funnel.
I dragged the blue bag over the mud with my foot and bare hands and used the funnel to drain out as much water as possible.
This helped a little but a sponge was really needed to soak the water out.
So I looked around and low and behold the ghetto neighborhood gave me the natural sponges I needed as in RF 2 empty boxes of Coors Light lay (Ghetto to the fullest).
I opened up the boxes, flattened them out and laid them over the damaged areas to soak the guck away.
A couple of players from the other team arrived - No one helped.
Fuck them. Really on yourself I told myself. The softball gods will pay them back.
With the water mostly gone, I needed something to rake the field.
Again the ghetto gave me the natural tools to get the job done.
Underneath the train tracks ,( Yes this project filled area also has an above ground train, not AMTrack either, rather 1950 style cargo train above ground - call a local real estate agent for a listing) I found an old Shopping Cart with No Wheels.
I thought, that's my rake.
I picked up the shopping cart, flipped it over and used it to rake the field.
Now the mud was gone and we just needed some new dirt.
At this point my manager had showed up and provided me with some tools.
No one helped me from my team either.
Whatever.
From him I obtained a miniature shovel that I used to dig up some dry dirt lying behind 1st base underneath the train tracks.
I needed to carry the dirt to the field so I filled up another empty Coors light box, took the dirt and spread it over the worked on areas and raked the area again.
At that point only 1 other player from the other team helped me rake the field.
All in all only 1 player from the opposition thanked me. So wack
Whatever.
The game was on.
To make matters worse at game time we once had 6 players as 4 guys were stuck in Holland Tunnel traffic.
Most players feel that fixing the field makes you tired and you usually lose when you do so. There is some truth in that I guess, but not today.
Our players showed up and it turned out o be a very good game hat we won 7-3.
As for me, I misjudged and dropped a fly ball in the game, pathetic and unacceptable.
However, I rebounded nicely to get a couple of key Hits/Rbi's late to seal the victory.
So I guess the softball gods give and taketh away.
Was it worth it?
Finacially No.
But a true Softball Warrior always wants to play so Yes
, 2 Empty Boxes of Coors Light and a old Shopping Cart with No Wheels
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
PREGAME
A lot of players and managers place an emphasis on the time
before a game start - The Pre Game
Unlike the NFL, in Softball there is no pregame show with the likes of Howie Long or Terry Bradshaw breaking down the key points to the game.
Rather players have their own unique way of getting ready for a game as sometimes a game is won or lost even before it begins.
Top Ten Softball Pregame Activities
10. Looking for Parking.
Only players with true "Bruto" (ignorant) strength need apply
3. Spending time with your kid or significant other -
I highly recommend this. It will keep you loose, relaxed, and makes the family happy. Once the game starts you won't have much time for them so spend quality time with the family while you can.
2. SEX - This is a personal choice again.
I see nothing wrong with it as long as it isn't on the field and your safe about it.
Viewing porn is fine as well.
before a game start - The Pre Game
Unlike the NFL, in Softball there is no pregame show with the likes of Howie Long or Terry Bradshaw breaking down the key points to the game.
Rather players have their own unique way of getting ready for a game as sometimes a game is won or lost even before it begins.
Top Ten Softball Pregame Activities
10. Looking for Parking.
At some fields this is irrelevant, but in other venues looking for parking is more stressful than batting with a full count and the bases loaded in the 7th inning with the game on the line. Nothing to get you ready for action after circling for 45 minutes with the game about to begin while trying to understand parking signs, getting correct change for a meter, worrying about parking too close to a fire hydrant, waiting 15 minutes for a spot to open up b/c the person currently sitting there is finishing their coffee or reading the NY times. Whew!!! Now that's pressure. I sweat just thing about it.
9. Cell Phone Calls - I highly discourage.
It's 5 minutes after game time and you only have 4 guys on the field. Time to warm up your fingers and ear by calling a bunch of irresponsible guys who ruin your escape from the Real World by making you call them from the diamond. Once the last phone call is made your probably too stressed out to even play.
8. Taking ground/fly balls, batting practice - This is an individual thing.
It's OK. To me more than five minutes of practice before a game is too much but to each his own
7. Playing catch, Stretching and Running -
Ah I highly recommend these. This gets the muscle's loose and ready to go.
6. Maja - in Spanish it means hitting the ball against the fence.
Earlier I said I didn't recommend batting practice (BP) before a game. The reason for this is that I feel Batting practices before a game is misleading and at times limited. If you hit the ball well in BP and struggle in the game, it can mess with your head. Or if you hit poorly in BP, it can also mess with your head. Whatever, I guess I'm a headcase (obviously if I write this blog) but that's how I feel. Also, in BP the pitcher may just grove it or suck and you might not have enough fielders to swing freely ( kind of ghetto).
I much prefer/recommend "Maja".
It only requires 2 people you can freely swing while hitting the ball into the fence, work on your mechanics, you don't have to chase balls all around (no running), and makes you aggressive.
5. Fighting - highly discourage
Pre game fights with fans, teammates, the opposition, and umpires are ghetto, dangerous, and a major distraction. Please refrain - there is no joy in this
4. Fixing the Field - this is fucking hard work.
In my next Blog I will get into this in more detail. But for example 3 weeks ago, I fixed the Siberia Softball field called 54th street in 99 degree weather and almost fainted.Only players with true "Bruto" (ignorant) strength need apply
3. Spending time with your kid or significant other -
I highly recommend this. It will keep you loose, relaxed, and makes the family happy. Once the game starts you won't have much time for them so spend quality time with the family while you can.
2. SEX - This is a personal choice again.
I see nothing wrong with it as long as it isn't on the field and your safe about it.
Viewing porn is fine as well.
and the Number One Softball Pregame Activities
1.Smoking Cigarettes/Weed, Drinking Liquor, doing other non FDA approved drugs
This is only for "elite" athletes who need to relax and warm up in their own unique way
Monday, June 23, 2008
Breaking Up
Top Ten Elements that Breaking up with a significant other and
a Softball team folding have in common
10. Money - A lot of relationships tank over financial $$$ reasons.
No money for the mortgage, no job, can't pay juniors private school.
Same thing in softball.
When the guy paying the bills doesn't pay anymore teams fold like a bad hand in poker.
9. Geography -
If it's too inconvenient to get to games. Traffic, gas, parking - guys stop showing up.
Same thing in love.
In Spanish the saying "Amor de lejo es amor de pendejo" - means long distance love is for suckers and no good.
Please note that my wife and I maintained a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years and made it work.
So if you really love playing in a league, then keep traveling and paying tolls :)))
8. "Take a Break"
Ah those classic words in a relationship that mean you want to fuck someone else.
In both love and softball you literally want to play the field b/c the grass is always greener on the other side.
7. Liquor - after both breaks ups you go on a drinking binge to forget and heal.
6. Hard to Do.
Breaking up with someone you like as a person sucks.
It's one of the hardest things b/c you know you look bad and don't want to hurt them.
Same thing in softball, it's tough leaving longtime friends/teammates b/c you want to play more elsewhere or win.
5. Do both over the phone - I know it's shiesty and cowardly but in both you avoid the awkward face to face tension, tears, and disappointment.
4 Booty Call - After breaking up with your partner you hook up with whatever has a pulse to get them out of your system.
In softball, you move on to the next game as quickly as possible.
3. 1st Time seeing them after Break up.
The 1st time you see an ex after dumping them or getting dumped by them is "weird".
You feel anger, jealousy, betrayal, rejection, and want vengeance.
The same emotions runs though you when you play against a former team - you want to beat them, make them miss you by busting their ass.
2. Arguing over worldly possessions.
When you break up you argue over who owns what - the car, the house, the kids.
In softball the same thing happens - the bases, the bats, the gloves, the permits.
and the #1 Element that Breaking up with a
significant other and a Softball team folding have in common
1. Denial
You hang on way to long in both, when it's obvious it's over.
You keeping calling, email, text messaging, stalking the other b/c if "no one knows them like you know them"
Same thing in softball, you keep calling players, driving around picking up guys to play, reschedule games, but deep down you know it's over. Time to Fold
a Softball team folding have in common
10. Money - A lot of relationships tank over financial $$$ reasons.
No money for the mortgage, no job, can't pay juniors private school.
Same thing in softball.
When the guy paying the bills doesn't pay anymore teams fold like a bad hand in poker.
9. Geography -
If it's too inconvenient to get to games. Traffic, gas, parking - guys stop showing up.
Same thing in love.
In Spanish the saying "Amor de lejo es amor de pendejo" - means long distance love is for suckers and no good.
Please note that my wife and I maintained a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years and made it work.
So if you really love playing in a league, then keep traveling and paying tolls :)))
8. "Take a Break"
Ah those classic words in a relationship that mean you want to fuck someone else.
In both love and softball you literally want to play the field b/c the grass is always greener on the other side.
7. Liquor - after both breaks ups you go on a drinking binge to forget and heal.
6. Hard to Do.
Breaking up with someone you like as a person sucks.
It's one of the hardest things b/c you know you look bad and don't want to hurt them.
Same thing in softball, it's tough leaving longtime friends/teammates b/c you want to play more elsewhere or win.
5. Do both over the phone - I know it's shiesty and cowardly but in both you avoid the awkward face to face tension, tears, and disappointment.
4 Booty Call - After breaking up with your partner you hook up with whatever has a pulse to get them out of your system.
In softball, you move on to the next game as quickly as possible.
3. 1st Time seeing them after Break up.
The 1st time you see an ex after dumping them or getting dumped by them is "weird".
You feel anger, jealousy, betrayal, rejection, and want vengeance.
The same emotions runs though you when you play against a former team - you want to beat them, make them miss you by busting their ass.
2. Arguing over worldly possessions.
When you break up you argue over who owns what - the car, the house, the kids.
In softball the same thing happens - the bases, the bats, the gloves, the permits.
and the #1 Element that Breaking up with a
significant other and a Softball team folding have in common
1. Denial
You hang on way to long in both, when it's obvious it's over.
You keeping calling, email, text messaging, stalking the other b/c if "no one knows them like you know them"
Same thing in softball, you keep calling players, driving around picking up guys to play, reschedule games, but deep down you know it's over. Time to Fold
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