Friday, April 12, 2013

Captive SB Audience

It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone." ...The Green Fields of the Mind (Yale Alumni Magazine, November 1977)

Love that quote. As it highlights the connection baseball has with the seasons, all the seasons except winter. To lovers of our game, there is no season in winter as it’s usually too cold to play baseball/softball during those long dark freezing nights. 

If Winter isn't a season, then what is it. It's a prison. A prison to where  baseball/softball enthusiast are exiled and sentenced until liberated many months later in the spring. Spring, ah spring, that's when we are finally granted our "get out of jail" card after serving hard non softball time.

Now that spring has finally arrived and we are finally free of our metaphoric jail, but I still can't help but think about real jail. Luckily I am completely ignorant about jail as I never have been really arrested and I want to remain that way forever. Jail must suck. Really suck. Think about it. Most people in jail can't escape their captors like we escaped winter. No freedom as you do the time because you did a crime. 

What if in Softball we had a jail system? Let's look at some Usual Suspects and see how they would do during their time behind Softball Jail Bars

Ricardo Ronda, AKA Softball Insider

Crimes - Numerous

Side Note : OK anonymous get your predictable corny drop your soap in the shower joke/comment out of the way and let's look at how Rick would do in jail.

How would he do in Jail? -: Fucking Horrible. If you locked me up inside my own house with food, TV, and a computer on a beautiful day while everyone else was playing softball I would go inside and need straight jacket. My best bet is to rely on my lawyer to defend me
or drill holes in the wall to escape

Jose Carrion

Crimes - Can happen at any minute as Jose would say "Your life can change in a minute"

How would he do in Jail? - All you need to know is Jose would try and escape every second of every day. Death before Dishonor for this severe claustrophobic.

Angelo Gonzalez and Jack "Bandana Man" Cutler - cell mates of course
Crimes - enforcing and gambling
How would they do in Jail? -:Angelo would run the joint and Bandanna Man would take all the sports book action

Juan "Blonde" Moreiras

Crime : Impersonating the Lochness monster
How would he do in Jail? -:Blonde would do well in jail keeping to himself and reading like 10 books a day.

Bob Morello

Crime : "The Computer Makes the Schedule"
How would he do in Jail? -Surprise Surprise another commissioner makes the list. Staten Island Mafia would be placed in a minimum security prison out in 1 month


Crime : Gil would get put away for Softball Tax evasion for not reporting cash income.
How would he do in Jail? - he would run the motor pool and workout a lot

Isaac "Gubi" Delgado

Crime: Reckless driving. Might be the most likely next guest at the state hotel on this list. 
How would he do in Jail? - Certain to spend his days lifting weights, praising Allah, and telling everyone how good he is.

Joel Goldman
This Picture was 30 years ago-looks the same
Crime : Bullying
How would he do in Jail? - Bully


Crime: Public Smoking
How would she do in Jail? In a word - well. Most definetly would run the sale and distribution of cigarettes and make a killing. Unless she got to the big house by actually killing someone. Hopefully, not me

Softball jail, the more I think about it the more I think it's possible and in some cases deserving.


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