Thursday, March 20, 2008

Daytime TV and Softball

When your unemployed you try not to watch daytime TV but inevitably you do.
You know it's a waste of time and garbage, but you do it anyway.
If you watch enough day time TV it inevitably reminds you of softball.

TV shows that remind me of Softball ( too many channels for a Top Ten)

Games Shows - FAMILY FEUD, THE PRICE IS RIGHT, JEOPARDY, etc - Watching at home you think you know all the answers and that if you went on the show you would win. Just like in softball everyone thinks if they managed they would know all the answers and win

Soap Operas - are just like softball DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA

Oprah - sophisticated talk show - le creme de la creme. It's like playing softball in central park where people talk about politics, religion and fiscal policy. Classy

Jerry Springer - GOONS EVERYWHERE. Kinda like playing softball in the Bronx.
Fights break out, people say mean and hateful things. On Jerry people do anything for attention and ratings. In the hood its all holds bar - anything goes to get an edge and win

Other Talk Shows - too many to mention, not worth your time. In softball, it's like joining too many teams - after a while it all becomes a blur.

PA1 - Public Access TV - Where you see you friendly neighborhood low budget bodegero using sex and bachata music to try and sell milk.
In softball, the same guy plays first base on your team and is always on the cell phone during games.

ESPN - might be your best day time television source.
Informative, accurate, and usually not depressing.
ESPN is equivalent to a well run softball league that you wake up and can't wait to get there and play - see

YES/SNY - show Yankee/Mets exhibition games which for the most part are meaningless.
In softball these channels represents leagues with no competition where winning or losing doesn't mean anything. Also think Pickup softball whee the competitive edge is missing.

MSNBC -is the channel you want to avoid. Too much depressing economic/political news makes you want to. In other words, it's real life. In softball think YORKVILLE - this league sucks and you wan to avoid. We play softball to forget our real life problems, not to create more.

CBS - MARCH MADNESS NCAA TOURNAMENT - A must watch actually - upsets, multiple games, and excitement. Most one day softball tournaments are exciting and fun to play in.

GOSSIP!!!!!!!! GOSSIP!!!!!! GOSSIP!!!!!!!!
Everyone loves gossip.
In softball this is so true.
I mean would exist without gossip?

CARTOON/DISNEY NETWORK - get in touch with your inner kid or watch while you are getting high to big the fuck out.
Softball lets you keep the little kid inside of you and also get high while playing.

TNT/TBS/USA/FX/Classic TV - watch reruns - Law and Order, King of Queens, I love Lucy - watch your favorites shows again and again.
In softball we join the same leagues and make the same mistakes again and again

FOOD NETWORK - learn a new skill to satisfy your hunger.
To succeed in softball you constantly have to try and improve/develop your skills.

LIFE Channel -get in touch with your feminine side.
In softball, players harass ladies that walk by in the hopes of getting in touch with them. Also maybe you can watch a Lifetime show the day of a big coed game so you can relate to you female team members better in key situations

VH1/MTV - see young people make fools of themselves on reality TV shows so they can become rich and famous. In softball, see grown men act like fools so they can win a game, money, or brag about how good they are regardless of what it does to personal friendships.

SCI FI - watch nerdy shows likes X-Files and Star Trek to explore your imagination.
In softball, nerds keep batting statistics to get their swerve on

PAY PER VIEW - lets you watch new releases and porn.
Softball - you usually have to pay a premium to get a good pitcher to play with you.


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