Symbiosis

"So God just help me out while I fight through this grievin' process

Trying to  process this loss is makin' me nauseous" - Eminem "You're Never Over"

Losing hurts more than winning, but in softball/baseball there is one form of loss that is the most profound.

The loss that hurts the most is not 

• A Game - any form of heartbreak sucks but there is something worse in softbal
• Money - sucks to lose, but there is something worse in softball 
• A Star Player - key defections are bad but there is something worse in softball
• Your Position/Playing Time no one likes to lose/waste time, but there is something worse in softball
• Bat - no one like to lose their gamer, it's psychological, but there is something worse in softball
• Ethics - a bad reputation sucks but there is something worse in softball
• Friends/Teammates  - In general players come and go and almost every winning team has a casualty. I know it sounds cold but there is still something worse in softball

By Far the worse thing to lose in Softball is your Glove.

5 weeks ago I lost my glove.

FUCK!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

I loved that goddamn ugly abused beaten up piece leather. Lost it after a 54th street championship doubleheader.FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

I had it "only" 6 years and just gave it a tune up this spring compliments of glove master Enrique.

Sorry but losing your glove is the brutal as the relationship between a player and glove is personal. I mean c'mon when you put that thing on it's like your joined and the real world doesn't exists anymore. It is clearly a close symbiotic relationship where both the player and glove entirely depend on each other for survival.  It becomes part of you and you become a part of it .Once broken/severed its like part of you has died as well. 

Losing that glove has to be bad karma punishment from the softball gods

for something bad I've done. A steep penalty to pay from for my sins.

I have a new glove now and breaking it in has been hard. To accelerate symbiosis I've :

• used olive oil on it
• stuck it in hot water
• put it in a microwave
• tied it up
• and used it as much as possible. 

Quite frankly it is no where near ready. Tuesday I experienced new glove growing pains as literally first hand as I dropped a hard liner. FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Enough cursing - that was Embarrassing. 

This new glove depression ain't taking me hostage. There is no easy Re-Boot in regards to building trust and comfort with a new glove. I'm dealing with it. 

Symbiosis cannot be rushed, but once you have it treasure it.

Time to Reboot and Go Berzerk now that Maternity leave is Over

"Now this shit's about to kick off, this party looks wack

Let's take it back to straight softball  and start it from scratch"

I'm 'bout to bloody this blog up, everybody get back

That's why my pen needs a pad 

Let's bring it back to that vintage Insider,  bitch!" - Eminem Berzerk

After a long anticipated wait, Eminem recently released his new single Berzerk from his now album Marshall Mathers LP-2
x
Em's new beat has a classic beastie buy funk to it. Looks like he's re-booting. Speaking of long anticipated waits OK I've been on blog

Maternity leave for the last 3 months

but rumors of my retirement

are greatly exaggerated. Like daddy, my daughters embody that "Fight the Power mentality

And it's time to Softball Reboot and go Berzerck myself...

Rebooting is definitely the right way to describe my return. We all have "re-booted our computer" when it is malfunctioning and similarly Hollywood was made billions modernizing and re-booting dead franchises like Planet of the Apes, James Bond, Star Trek and Batman.

So you see like the Joker I do really have a plan, I am just rebooting. Simple. And along the way maybe I can expose some schemers

Top Ten Re-Boot Topics I want to discuss

10. Season - I will do a team by team re-cap this offseason, but for now it has all been a blur. Between babies, work, family, slumps, successes, and disappointments. Last year was smooth. But last year was over 10 months ago as every minute this year has been a whirlwind

9/8.   Slumps/ Failures - I always said long hurts more than winning feels good, but I can take losing. What hurts me the most is regression. I am too old to regress from a performance, team, and ethic perspective. Regression is wasted spirit.

7. Big Apple League - Championships conclude this weekend. It's basically live by the sling die by the sling now as open pitching dominates. Many teams will not be returning unless change occurs. Sorry but the system is broken and I can't back off guys, Big Apple League deserves No Mercy

6.  Fall - They say spring rejuvenates players. Well so does fall ball. Inwood has begun and this year we have eliminated many "A" pitchers and lowered the prized. We are re-booting going back to the way the league was from 99'-06'

5.  Gun Control - This was nothing to do with softball. Monday's Naval Base shooting killed 13 people. When are those assholes at the NRA going to put making $$$ aside for public safety. It wasn't a Tour of Duty video game or a Quinten Tarantino movie that killed those innocent people. It was a psycho who bought a gun over the counter. Over the counter. How the fuck is that possible? Unacceptable.

4. 12 Man lineup - back to softball. I don't get a fuck what anyone says. Is not a good strategy. Never. I don't give a fuck who uses it. 11 is wack imagine 13. Your hitters better being elite high impact guys for it to even be considered. This strategy is more a sportsmanship, getting everyone involved,  karma thing. 

3. Next year  - Year after year everyone talks about next year. That's cool, but this year is still here for many as championships and fall ball take center stage, as wise Yoda said " All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing.". Now will never come again. Enjoy now. Worry about next year , next year

2. Goodness - Whenever things go wrong I always go back to theJiminy Crickets of my life. They don’t know everything, but they all have one thing in common - goodness. They don't try to shine, be great, or have illusions of grandeur. They all just try and do things the right way. Goodness is better than Greatness. I have been just trying to clear my mind and focus on goodness.

and the number One Re-Boot Topic I want to discuss

1. You - the readers. While I may ignore you on the outside, I do hear your calls for more blogs, controversy, intelligent conversations, and support. I'm back. It's on and while I am cutting this blog a little short b/c I have to go play some ball right now I want you to know The insider is ready and will give his best to go Berzerk for you in a good way.