Top Ten Reasons to run a team in your own league

Top Ten Reasons to run a team in your own league

10. Love of Softball - Simple you want to keep the game alive. Noble but other things get in the way like ....

9. Cheat - Of course.
Let's be honest.
You want a good league but you also want to win.
You do what's to your advantage.
Corruption even in the most subtlest of forms is so easy and almost impossible to resist.

8. Money
You make money running the league, umpire kick back, and most importantly you have the chance to
Stop the Money. Stop the Money means if you win the league you also get to keep the prize money and not have to pay it out to someone else. Stop the Money is key!!!

7. Attract/Retain Players - Like chicken heads some players go where the money is.
Other players go where the best chance to win is. As a commissioner with a team in the league you most likely fill both these 2 requirements. However, players that go where the best playing time opportunities or loyalty/friendships exist are out of your control,

6. Schedule. You play who you want, when you want, where you want.
What's better than that?

5. Power/Control - Power corrupts. Absolute Power corrupts absolutely.
You love being in control - see points 8 & 6 above.
But like Ben Parker told Peter Parker in Spider Man "With Great Power comes Great Responsibility"


Don't let greed and wanting to win get in the way of running a competitive league

4.Controversy - You love controversy and you have the balls to deal with it.
Making the Tough calls on banning pitchers, throwing a player out of the league, overruling an umpire. reviewing a protest is a huge reason why you took the job. Warning: It's like walking around a shooting range with a Target on your back.

3. Softball Dominatrix Effect


You love abuse.
You love being called a cheater and shiesty.
You love it when people say "it's the commissioners team of course they get the calls".
P.S. That's not Me in that outfit above

2. PAYBACK
Someone hasn't paid you yet?
Someone team blatantly cheats?
Some teams doesn't return your calls?
Some other teams tries to steal your players?
Well you the commissioners and you can pay them back where it hurts.
Give them a hard schedule in terms of starting time or competition, not return their phone calls when they have an issue or want prize money, remove a player from their team from the playoffs, throw them out of the league.
That's a commissioners why of say Fuck You Asshole.

and the Number One Reasons to run a team in your own league

1. Playing Time - you and your boys are always in the lineup, playing/batting where you want.

DOG DAYS

The dog days of summer have arrived for all ball players.

When I say dog days I don't mean take your pooch ( like my dog Jazzi below)




to the park, I mean the HOT Miserable Days of summer that lie just before the playoffs.

The days where it's hard to get motivated to play.
The days were it's freaking 150% humidity.
The days were your injuries hurt more and more as each days passes.
The days where your wife/girl give you shit for playing ball.
The days where other players don't show up and you have to do more.
The days were your friends/ family are off having fun at the beach, barbecues,etc while your playing.
The days were you don't actually mind a rain out ( Pray for rain)
The days where you don't mind playing 1B or Dhing.

The Dog Days wear you down man.
I consider myself I softball warrior, but I feel it.
More this year than any other year.
Throw in a slump, a losing streak, a bad economy, a bump and a bruise and you feel it more and more.

It's a battle of attrition.

Rest at this time of your is more important than ever.

Sometimes less is more.

Especially the older you get.

But what is the right balance between rest and hard work.

How much do you push yourself?

That's such a hard personal question.

Only you know.
Only you care.
Only you can decide.

Being mentally tough now is crucial as you can't quit on yourself no matter
how much you struggle or hurt.

Why?

The playoffs are coming.

HECKLERS

While I acknowledge that it takes a lot of skill and talent to play Golf and Tennis,
I kind of lose respect for these game because spectators are required to remain silent.

I mean Tiger Woods yells at fans for answering their cell phones while he is trying to make a put. That's weak and wack.

Imagine AROD calling time out in a game at Fenway Park and telling some retard in the front row to stop singing/reciting the teachings of the KABBALAH to the tune of Madonna's Like a Virgin song.

Never.


In Baseball/Softball Trash Talking or Heckling is allowed and is part of the game.

They say hitting a ball consistently is the hardest thing to do in sports.
It gets even harder to do when people are heckling, screaming, yelling, and dissing you while your at the plate.

Heckling comes in all different forms.
Some is abusive. Some is good natured. Some is funny. Some is foul. Some is classless.

I've been called 1,000 names under the sun ranging from funny ones like
Menudo or Ricky Martin to your basic You Suck, Easy Out, etc etc.

The bottom line is in baseball/softball you have to deal with Heckler's.

It requires a thick skin and concentration.
Some guys get scared/intimated by Hecklers.
Other guys give in to Hecklers and yell back or get in fights.
Others love it and feed off of it.
While others ignore it.

In my opinion the best way to deal with a Heckler is Ignore Them.


Don't add fuel to the fire.
A Heckler wants attention.
They want you to lose concentration and most importantly To FAIL.
Ignoring them is the prefect payback b/c your not giving ATTENTION.
If you come through in the game they will look extra stupid and classless.

That being said it ain't easy Ignoring Hecklers, we are after all men with egos and pride.

Here are some my Top Ten Softball Hecklers

10. Willie Ferrer - Legendary Softball Knuckle ball pitcher.
Think of willie as the annoying Clown sitting above a pool of water at a Count Fair.
You pay a dollar for three throws to try and dunk him in the water.
As you throw the ball the Clown relentlessly heckles and makes fun of you.
You get madder and madder and try to dunk the Clown in the water by hitting the target, It's just hard to hit the target b/c your so mad.
That's what playing against Willie is/was like.

9. Little Lou the Manager of the Cardinals
( Seen standing directly to the right of the 2007 Gunn Sports championship trophy with his short open, clapping and hammered of course)












Nice guy who pumps up his team by yelling encouragement all day while
drinking Coors light and mixed drinks.

Doesn't stop yelling at opposing pitchers until he passes out.


8. O'Hanlons Softball team - It's harder to tell what is more natural for these guys - Yelling or breathing. It ain't easy umping their games.


7. Angelo Gonzalez - good ball player and master heckler.
Once he gets going there is no stopping him

6. Dio Jackson - Addicted to Heckling.
Even Heckles during pick up and exhibition games.


5. John Sheppard - Doesn't start talking shit until the other team begins.
Once he gets going it's no holds bar and almost nothing is off limits

4. George Colon - another West player? Like Billy Wagner would say "SHOCKER"!! George on the down low is a very witty heckler.

His best line of the year was when he called Franny the Sun when the rotund pitcher showed up to central Park wearing a full body yellow uniform one day this year.


3. Entire Chelsea League - You are not allowed to play in Chelsea unless you like to Talk
In fact the league would fold is trash talking was not permitted.


2. Willie Jommaron - Merrill Lynch - A unique Reverse Heckler - Most hecklers annoy/bother the other Team. Willie J gives it to his own team.


and the Number One Softball Heckler

Tie - I hate having Ties in the Top Ten but this one is too close to call

1.Edgar Sr. and Inwood ground Keeper Chelo
This one is like Godzilla Vs. King Kong of Heckling

Edgar Sr. is a NYC Softball legend considered one the best players of his era. He may be retired from softball, but he sure as well ain't retired from Heckling. He is funny, ruthless, relentless,and if you pay attention o him he will drive you INSANE. I'm used to him now, the only time he bothers me now is when he is silent.

As for Chelo - Simply does not care as he is 100% plastered drunk all the day.
He heckles in a dialect no one understands while listening to maddening bachata music. What is frustrating is that you can't say anything back to him b/c when he talks you don't understand and you get confused.

HECKLERS -

21 Questions

Rapper 50 Cent had a hit song a few years ago called 21 Questions.

Well in reviewing an umpire, I have the following 21 questions

21 Good strike zone? This is crucial.

20 Does he run out on the field to make calls to get a closer look? Hustle is important.

19 Does he know the league rules? Knowledge is Power

18. Does he care about doing a good job or just want to take the money and run?

This Shows if he has heart or is just plain Ghetto

17. Does he know general/baseball softball rules? Again Knowledge is Power

16. Does he explain his point of view to managers clearly and concisely? Leadership

15. Does he take control of game?

When heckling, arguing, and problems occur does he nip it in the bud immediately or let it get out of control

14. Is he sober?

Being high is unacceptable for an umpire during a game, players on the other hand well ..

13. Can he see? Mister Magoo glasses can get foggy

12. Is he NON-confrontational?

Umpires should be confident and definitive, not confrontational

11. Does he know the inning, score, count, and put a new ball in play on time?

This is a key part of the job function

10. Is he reliable and on time? Punctuality counts

9. Does he power/ego trip or is he flexible when need be?

When he makes a mistake, all umpires make mistakes they are after all only human,

Does he quickly correct himself or ask for help to make sure he got the call right?

8. Is he dressed in Blue so that he knows people are asking him a question why they ask "Yo Blue what's the inning What's the score?" like 1,000 times during a game.

7. Does he clearly explain the ground rules before the game?

Prevention is the best medicine

6. Does he collect lineup cards before the game and note/announce all player changes during the game. This is important b/c it shows he is on top of things.

5. Does he measure the bases and pitching distance properly?

Crooked umps cheat in this area all the time. bad umps don't want bang bang plays so they make the bases longer to make the game move quicker. So foul

4. Does he keep the game moving? He must take command

3. Is he fair and consistent. A must

2. Does he respect the game?

If he had all the right answers above then he does, otherwise he is flawed

1. Is he respected? Respect is Earned not given away

Those are the traits that make a good umpire.

If an umpire can do all the above, then the players will decide the game and that's the way it should be.

What do you think?

IRONIC PUNISHMENT

I'm not really a fan of the TV show "The Simpson's", but last Sunday I couldn't help feeling like Homer Simpson in the classic Simpson Halloween episode where Homer went to HELL and was given the Ironic "Too Much of a Good Thing" Punishmentt of eating an unlimited supply of Donuts ( view the link below or copy it into your browser)

http://www.hulu.com/watch/23459/the-simpsons-donut-hell?c=109



The problem actually started last Friday when I umped 4 games ending at 8:45PM in 90 plus degree weather.

Not fun.



Then the situation got worse on Saturday, when I umped another a doubleheader starting at 9 AM and then played 4 games ending at around 8:30 PM.
The 3rd game was a 90 degree 9 inning marathon on 54th street "Donde Caja La Vaca" - the hottest and worse field in NYC.
My team ,The Sox, lost a heart breaker.
Of Course we lost the nightcap as well.
Ironic Softball Punishment - more playing more suffering

As an aside, the extra inning game was played using international rules.
Meaning that each team began their half of an extra frame with a man on 2nd base.
This rule is put in place to try and get the game to come to an end quickly.
This rule is fine in a one day tournament, but does not belong in a regular season game.



Anyway, the Ironic Softball Punishment - more playing more suffering reached an exclamation point on Sunday.
I had a quick turn around as I play in a fun 9 AM morning league in Central Park.
Yeah Lot's of fun - we only had 8 guys one of which was a make shift pitcher
Oh man, suffering.
It was 95 degrees and we had to play a 3 man Outfield.
Ironic Softball Punishment - more playing more suffering
I was not happy.
Of course some guy hit a shot over my head that I misplayed in the 1st inning and my hitting was pathetic against some pitcher you looked like Red Fox from the classic TV show Sandford and Son









So now I was slumping.
Great.
I thought things couldn't get worse.
I was wrong.
As my game is going on, I see a lot of my Big Apple West teammates showing up to the park and I start thinking man they are here mighty early for a 1pm game.
Turns out our game was at 11 Am.

Fuck.

Oh man now I had to leave these poor guys.
At least we miraculously had a 3 run lead.
Being that Central Park on a Sunday is the forfeit avoiding capital of the world, I picked up a decent guy and I was on my way to the West game.

By now I was suffering total softball burnout and not too mention heat stroke from the weather and running around.

Luckily, The head umpire (not that idiot Mister Magoo - thank god) saw that I was woozy. He had a park's attendant turn on the sprinkler for me so that I could stand underneath it and cool off. Very nice of him. That idiot Mister Magoo wouldn't do that.

OK so now I was alive.

Let's play.

Running on empty I got asked to play Left Center b/c we were also short guys.
Ironic Softball Punishment - more playing more suffering
Oh man.

Whatever, things would get worse as we got waxed 10-3.

Ugly.

P.S. My morning team mates came by to tell my the guy I picked up made an error and cost them the game.

Horrible.

Whatever.

The next game was a MUST WIN as we were fighting for our playoff lives.

Our ace pitcher Tom "Shooter" Murphy arrived and we were winning 3-1 into the 6th, that's when things got worse.

The best last place team I have ever seen Excelsior ( I don't mean that as a diss they are truly better than their record) rallied to tie the game on clutch hits and errors on our part.

OK gut check time. At least we were the home team.

We rallied to score 2 runs in the bottom of the sixth and the 7th looked like a lock as they had the bottom of their order up.

Not so fast, IRONIC PUNISHMENT must continue.

Excelsior fought extremely hard to tie the game and nearly won it as their lead off batter almost hit a 3 run homer over my head.

The score was now 5-5.

Ironic Softball Punishment - more playing more suffering

Thankfully, I will spare you all the painful details, but the game went 12 long draining innings where both team blew several opportunities to Win

Yes 12 innings of Ironic Softball Punishment - more playing more suffering .

Of course my day long slump continued.
Horrible.
Whatever.
All that matters is that we won the damn game. Finally!!!!!!

This was softball HELL