AROD

NY Post has been all over Arod claiming that he is having an affair so let's break it down via the Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons Arod is possibly having an affair

10. Closet asshole!!!!!!!! - Arod is like the Man - always says the corporate political stuff but deep down you know something ain't right

9. That's the way playahs play MVP!!!!!! MVP!!!!! MVP!!!

8. Wants to reestablish his True Dominican Latino male macho stereotype that he destroyed when he played for USA in the World Classic instead of the Dominican Republic

7. The pressure of not being recognized as True Yankee by goon fans has thrown him into depression and he needed to get hit off

6. He and his 250 Million Dollar contract get lonely on the road
5. It's all a hustle - he and the NY post set this up so they can sell some papers - people are sick of reading about Lindsey Lohan and Brittney Spears
4. Lashing out for attention now that Roger Clemens is showing up - Look at me!! Look at me!!! Look at me!!!
3. After his hot start at the plate he's cooled off and is looking for a slump buster - maybe he can't buy a hit but he can rent some incredible sex
2. Give Evil Met fans something to talk trash about

And the Number One Reason Arod is possibly having an affair

1. Depressed about the slow start to the Yankee Season and needs a little pick me up - literally

The Others

On the Hit TV Show Lost the plane crash survivors are stranded on an Island and soon realize the are not alone. They learn that a weird group of people are also there with them - They are called the Others.

In Softball the players are also not Alone. There are "Others" there with them as well.

How are they?
What do they want?
Let's find out

Top Ten Softball "Others"

10. Sun Bathers on the great Lawn. They lay down right in the middle of the field, then get angry when they are asked to move or get hit. Today for example some young 15 year old girl who looks like she watches TRL religiously was struck by line drive in the face while lying on her blanket in a bikini. I personally have crashed into or stepped on other sun worshippers - nothing like getting a tan in the dangerous line of fire. Retards.
9. Smokey - smokes weed and drinks liquor like most people inhale oxygen. Sells overpriced drinks and beers to unprepared softball players.
8. Lou from West - doesn't play, doesn't manage, coaches 1st base - does put on his cleats
7A. Tie - Chelo, Legendary Inwood Groundskeeper - Drinks Johnny Walker for Breakfast. Speaks some hardcore Spanish language that only someone born in the deep hills of the Dominican country can understand. Very Good heckler
7B. Nice Dominican lady who sells pastelittos, pasteles, rice, beans, beer and lemonade at Inwood. She is one phone call away from being deported.
6. Inconsiderate generic wandering people who walk across the outfield grass trying to cut across the park and interrupt a game in progress and then have the audacity to act surprised and insulted when they get yelled at - Classic.
5. Ghetto Guy selling hot softball equipment - Beware of crackheads selling gloves "that they found" and people selling nasty bottled water. Kid in Red Hook sold repackaged tap water for $1
4. Taryn - CP Softball Groupie - Who is she? Is she really a Real Estate agent? Why does she flirt so much? Why does she go to all the games?
3. Edgar Gonzalez Sr - old school great player. Retired due to age and injuries - ruthless heckler
2. Parents who let their innocent kids play with Vladamir from pickup. Vlad is a nice guy and good to kids but he isn't exactly the role model that you want your kids playing with. The man argues every pitch in pick up and believes Pro Wrestling is real.

and the Number One Softball "Other"


1. Umpires - like the Others on lost - have their own agenda and play outsides the fair rules of society

House Cleaning

While performing the rare task of cleaning my apartment I couldn't help but compare cleaning up a house to cleaning up a softball team

Top Ten Ways Cleaning Up Your House is Like Cleaning Up a Softball team

10. It's a dirty job that can only be best done by you
9. You really don't want to do either but it just has to do get done for the betterment of all parties involved
8. Both require you airing and throwing out your garbage
7. Both require blood, sweat, and tears. Sacrifice. You gotta get down on your hands and knees and scrub away all the scum
6. You smell after doing both
5. Both involve causalities - when cleaning out your crib you throw out old shit you loved but you have no use for anymore. Same thing in softball. You have to nicely ask players that don't fit your systems to leave. You might win in the long run but you lose something along the way
4. No matter how hard you work someone else takes the credit
3. Both are thankless jobs
2.When you clean your crib someone like your wife or mom criticize you and when you try and rebuild a team someone out there always has something to say.

and the Number One way Cleaning Up Your House is Like Cleaning Up a Softball team

1. Both jobs are never ending - No matter how much you clean or how much you lose the job never ends.

Holidays!!!!!!!!!!

It's Memorial Day weekend!!!!!! Time for Barbecues, beach, family, friends, and softball????

Most softball played during Memorial weekend is either the tournament or pickup variety. But the whole Holiday thing got me thinking about Holiday's and softball.

So....

Top Ten Holidays and their relationship with Softball

10. Easter is at the Beginning of spring and softball begins in the spring - a perfect combination
9. Ground Hogs Dog - a bullshit holiday made up only to give people hope that winter is ending. But in the classic movie Groundhogs day the main Character Billy Murray kept reliving the same day over and over again until he got it right, while in the game softball we keep reliving our same mistakes over and over again until we get it right.
8. July 4th - the ultimate American Holiday. Unfortunately not much softball is played on July 4th so no relation. Only connection is that everyone gets drunk and high and says oh and ah a lot
7. Labor Day - no one works on Labor day which equates to mucho softball - lots of games to go around - plus most of the best softball players don't work in real life anyway.
6. Roshashana - all my teams sponsored by my Jewish players have byes on Roshashana
5. Thanksgiving - We give thanks for all we have on gobble gobble day - It also marks the end of the softball season - except Yorkville ( we'll discuss them another time)
4. Columbus Day - 3rd Day Weekend Love baby - Columbus Discovered America, Rick and Blonde discovered Inwood Fall softball - Best fall league in NYC!!!!! - check out citysoftball.com
3. MLK Birthday - MLK had a dream of quality. Citysoftball had a dream of modified equality with no slingers and wringers
2.Christmas - is the biggest of all Holidays where we long ago forgot about peace on earth and sold out to a commercial holiday. Softball long ago sold out the love of the game to paying pitchers and corrupt leagues and umps - Money and geed ruins everything

and the number one Holiday associated with Softball

1. Halloween - Trick or Treat - Halloween is every freaks, sluts, and weirdo's delight. So is softball. Much props to Dio Jackson who dresses up every year in Inwood and keeps the fun alive!!!!!!!!! Holler!!!!!!

Live by the Sling Die by the Sling

Sling is a pitching motion that allows the pitcher to whip the ball over his head and to his side that generates maximum speed and velocity making him nearly impossible to hit.

Unless a league sanctions this "open" style of pitching it is considered illegal.

Tonight we faced a premier paid sling pitcher "Solito" ( in English that literally means Alone ) and he blew us away striking out nine ( Myself twice - no big surprise there). We didn't lose but we didn't win either as our "legal" modified pitcher Simon threw a shutout and the game ended tied after 8 innings due to darkness (ties have no place in softball, but I'll blog about that another time).

Anyway, the reason pitchers sling is obvious it let's them blow away hitters - duhh.

But Why don't umps call illegal pitches.

That can only be a prelude to a Top Ten

Top Ten Reasons Ump do not Call illegal pitches

10. Are you kidding me? That would only slow down the game and make them actually work
9. Like #10 stated Sling speeds up the game and that means umps get paid faster - HOLLER!!
8. Umps follow the Officer Bar Brady philosophy from South Park "NOTHING TO SEE HERE PEOPLE NOTHING TO SEE"
7. Umps don't want to cause additional controversy - They simply don't want to call it
6. Umps and Paid Sling Pitchers are both in this softball thing to make money together. It would be bad business for everyone involved if they were honest and followed the rules
5. No Respect for the game
4. Like most government officiating in softball is governed with corruption and dirty politics
3. Umps do not know the rules - why should they know the rules they are paid to interpret - that would make too much sense
2. Intimidation - Umps don't want to be followed back to their car

and the #1 Reason Umps don't call Illegal pitches

1. They don't have the balls to do it - It only takes one man to make a difference but they are scared to challenge the obvious.